It's My Brand So Don’t Let Anyone Hurt It

“You see what’s happening in Canada?” the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and cognitive dense fog machine Donald J. Turdwaffle asked an imaginary throng at the Caesar’s Palace Pet and Pond Servicew LLC between Denny’s and KFC in the beautiful downtown Burbank suburb of Mar-a-Lago.

“Those Canucks, I mean, you know that Freedom Convoy would never have happened if we hadn’t made America great back in 2020 before they stole the election,” Turdwaffle beamed. “Our movement promotes freedom over socialist mandates that do more harm than good. Everyone says so. And now it’s spilling over into the rest of the world like a plague of greatness.

“I never thought I’d be saying we need to be a little more Canadian, but these Freedom Convoy Proud Boys are tough. And you gotta be tough,” he concluded, “or pretty soon you won’t have any country anymore.”