It’s On The Top Of My List As Soon As I’m Reinstated

“I think he showed incredible restraint,” former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and only American president in the Guiness Book Of World Records for lying under oath told Peter Doocy this morning while waiting to take delivery of the new Trump Force I he designed himself on MacDonald’s wrappers while helping NOAA track hurricane Dorian.

“I know,” Doocy. “If somebody made a joke about my wife’s bald head I’d bust a cap in his ass.”

“I would have had the Secret Service run The Rock’s ass over,” Grabito Pussolini told Doocy, apparently no realizing that Kid Rock and Dwayne Johnson are not the same person. “And you know, they let you get away with it when you’re rich and the apprentice president.”