It’s A Miracle! Another Helms On Wheels Shouts To Admiring Crowd Of Nazi Nimrods

Beleaguered freshman Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) ended his comments at a rally to raise money “ or the great heroes who are working so hard to Save America from antifa and wokism!” with an impassioned plea to God to send the audience a undeniable sign they needed to rally around former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and Putin ally Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini.

“You can stand me up at the gates of Hell,” Cawthorn howled, “But I’ll stand my ground, because I won’t back down!” before firing off a few celebratory rounds in the general direction of Press Cage, where America’s version of a free press huddled like sheep as audience members peppered them with rotten fruits and vegetables.

Rep. Cawthorn, who is confined to a wheelchair after many magnificent acts of heroism during the War Of American Carnage, for which he earned two pre-emptive presidential pardons and a MAGA cap signed by the son of the former president himself, warmed up a crowd of fugitive Jan 6 rioters and stragglers from the People’s Convoy who were panhandling for fuel to get back home where their wives were waiting, pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen, making biscuits and gravy.

“My friends,” Cawthorn began, “This country can change very quickly in the blink of an eye before you even know it and it may seem impossible, many people tell me it is impossible,” before pulling a wheelie at the lectern and suddenly leaping to his feet.

“Well, my friends, God spared my life to be here today with you,” he said, mentioning his action in Portland where he rescued independent journalist Andy Ngo from a vicious attack by transsexual leftists wielding high-powered sex toys. “He has given me the strength to stand before you today, so do not lecture me on what is impossible. My fellow patriots, Americans are in the business of doing the impossible because with God, all things are impossible.”

Amen to that is all I can say.