Tells Close Friend How Embarrassed She Is For Picking The Wrong Cards

Sen. Susan Vodka Collins (R-Word, ME) expressed consternation that her otherwise unreliable judgment had been proven so wrong with her recent Supreme Court confirmation votes.

“How could I have known they would lie to me under oath without fear of repercussions?” the scatter-brained old biddy asked the heavens, waving her hands in the air as if praying to the Modoc god of thick and heavy precipitation, “I may have been naive, but I prefer to remain that way for my constituents. I consider this a learning experience and anyway it's too late to do anything about it now. So let’s move along shall we to voter and healthcare reforms. Sorry.”

Collins did say she has learned her lesson and no longer trusts anything anyone says, pointing to her decision against confirming Amy Corndog Barrett Brownose, whom she claimed was “clearly less qualified to serve on the Supreme Court than a Starbucks barrista or a contestant on Hollywood Squares.”