We’re Mad As Hell And We’re Not Going To Take It Anymore

As our global extinction deadline fast approaches, most proudly uneducated Americans remain unconvinced that the planet will also be uninhabitable for them, despite overwhelming consensus among scientists that we have already passed the point of no return in dealing with supply-side climate change.

“Consensus!” piffed one anti-intellectual at Portland International Airport (PDX) who has been waiting for weeks to rebook a flight to the Maldives after the airport in that tax-haven and tourist destination was closed for for a series of obscenely high tides that put the runways unders 18 inches of brackish water.

“What’s the consensus going to do about my vacation?” he continued. “ ’ve been trying to take a break since before the Democrat coronavirus hoax hit. And now my destination is no longer available? This is just not fair!”

Elsewhere around our nation of miserable fucks, stranded travellers standing up to their waists in floodwaters blamed their situation on "tax and spend Democrats who only care about the environment and not the people who spend good money to visit it.”

Cornelius “They Call Me Corny” Cobb, a freelance social media influencer, said he was tired of hearing “all the facts and evidence these granola-crunching lesbians keep trying to shove down our throats. Nobody needs facts anymore. Tell me the last time you really needed facts to get something done?”

If I were this planet, I’d be seriously looking at relocating to a more rational orbit.