It’s Called Becoming That Much More Maturity Presidential

Still plagued by anonymous leakers who appreciate some good irony, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & co-founder of Losers Anonymous, Grabbito Pussolini, denies telling an auditorium packed with high-rolling Repugnicunt donors “The sooner I’m reinstated, the sooner I’ll be able to pay you back for all these favors. No more golden showers. I promise.”

Turdwaffle touted the progress he made in building upon the Reagan legacy of supply-side plantation economics, arguing “that we came this close to burying all these goddamned Socialists in a shit-pile of our own making once & for all,” until the enemy allegedly stole the election by using the US postal service to deliver ballots to state elections divisions, totally bypassing the system he had put in place specifically to prevent that from happening.

 “Sometimes you win and sometimes they steal the election,” Turdwaffle said. “And then they make up so much fake news like you wouldn’t believe.  I was never into golden showers. And you know the great thing? Our great first lady, even she said ’That one. I don’t believe that one. I have the sheets.”