“I May Look Dumb,” Cosplay Nebbish Insists, “But I'm No Idiot!”

Garry Jacob Changling, better known as the fur-clad, barechested, horned accountant who calls himself the QAnon Charmin is studying to fail a competency test in Colorado so he can join former twice-impeached president Turdwaffle’s national victory tour in preparation for his reinstatement on August 16, 2021, “as it is written in my Turdwaffle-autographed Bible that still has the holy tear gas on it.”

In a recent court filing, the Deep State said that Changling must undergo a competency evaluation at the Klebold & Harris Detention facility in Littleton, Colorado or “risk removal of his reproductive organs for the common good.”

Although Changling pleaded not guilty in late January to six charges related to the riots, he later publicly condemned his plea, arguing he must be “completely bonkers to argue against the reality that every lucid American witnessed on January 6, 2021. Why would anyone believe anything I say? I’m not one of the former president’s attorneys. I don’t even own a MAGA cap. I therefore demand a psychiatric appraisal to determine my net worth & if I should trust my competency, whatever that is, as this trial proceeds.”

Although the court initially resisted, in late May of this year a Washington, D.C., federal court insisted Changling is not eligible for free spaying or neutering, before undergoing a vigorous battery of standardized tests to determine if he qualifies for a GED in animal husbandry, and recommended that the defense team set up a GoFundYourself account to raise the necessary capital to participate in the marketplace of ideas. 

This initial round of tests will be followed by a rigorous investigation of Changling's mental acutity to establish if he is “presently suffering from a mental disease or defect rendering him mentally incompetent to the extent that he is unable to understand the nature and consequences of the proceedings against him or to assist properly in his defense.” 

As he read the previous paragraph, Changling shouted: “What she said!”