He’s Banned From McDonald’s & Taco Bell, His Wife Got The House & Left Him Three Aternatively-Abled Kids, And Someone Stole His Autographed MAGA Cap At The Rally

A Capitol riot defendent cited his Twitter, Instagram and Facebook suspensions, along with being barred from using Airbnb or Lyft in his MAGA event planning business, as cause for the court to be lenient with him in sentencing.

“I’m just a poor boy from a poor family,” Justin Fein told Judge Roy Bean, “Any way the wind blows, that’s the direction my life has taken since my earliest memories that I can no longer recall.”

Fein faces a sentence of up to a week behind bars, a fine of no more than $50, and 3 days probation.

“It’ll bankrupt me, your honor, and ruin my reputation,” Fein whined. “I wouldn’t have want to sue the court for defamation & libel.”

“I wouldn’t threaten the court, Mr. Fein,” Judge Bean reprimanded the defendant, “if you know what’s good for you.”