Others Contained Gay, Islam, Woke, Jewish, Or Communism Equations

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-Word, FL) announced Monday morning at a Dunkin Donuts press conference that the state department of education has rejected 54 mathematics textbooks for its K-12 curriculum, saying his watchdog group had uncovered “massive amounts of liberal propaganda in our classrooms masquerading as science, including critical race theory, Common Core learning principles, critical thinking exercises, and questioning our common Christian heritage that makes Floridians great.”

DeSantis claimed the state had never before had to burn so many bad books “purchased by the woke crowd at a cost of several trillion dollars to our very fine people. Fortunately, many of our students had not yet been exposed to the terrible teachings in these books because we emphasize good math over reading in our great Florida school system.”

Although several outraged parent and teachers groups have vowed to file suit to restore science-based math books to K-12 schools, for now DeSantis plans to restrict schools and teachers to the following list of approved textbooks for the 2023 school year: The Bible, The One Minute Manager, The Art Of The Deal, Mein Kampf, Dildo Cay, Jim Bob Duggar Does Math Good, The DaVinci Code, Long Division Of The South, The Power Of Positive Integers, Sonlight Christian Addition And Subtraction For Tomorrow’s Leaders, How To Win Friends And Manipulate Ordinary People, The Seven Habits Of Highly Mathematical People, Multipliers: How The Best Teachers Make Everyone Be Best, The Weapons Of Math Destruction, Easy Peasy All-In-One Numerology, Ten Christian Equations That Rule The World, and Creationism For Dummies.