‘Fucking Rug Rats” Are Not Mentioned In The Constitution Says Helms On Wheels Mini-Me

Wasting no time mining the recent leak of a Supreme Court draft ruling by Sam The Sham Alito flushing abortion rights down the sewer like an unwanted fetus past its expiry date, Gov. Bud Abbott (R-Word, TX) announced his intention to challenge “the woke mob’s erroneous opinion that there is some guaranteed right to a free education paid for by hard-working Republicans. We’ve united to put an end to Critical Race Theory, which is designed to belittle white exceptionalism, and now we’re going to focus our attention on other dangerous aspects of a free education that does not stress the Pledge of Allegiance to the Ten Commandments.”

Abbott hailed word of Alito’s draft as “a clear indication that a overwhelming majority of our country will finally be able to experience modern life as the founding fathers intended. No more of this touchy, feely, woke nonsense that most Americans thought we outgrown in the early years of the Reagan administration when he outlawed unions. What good are rights if everybody has them?”

Abbott is hard at work compiling a list of “so-called rights” that Alito and his colleagues can turn their attention to now that the shit-hole states no longer have to worry about uppity women avoiding their “patriotic duty to grow our great corporate and warrior classes to protect our nation against both foreign and domestic perverts who think they can toss fetuses in the trash or recycling bins without suffering consequences like those that befell the liberal strongholds of Sodom and Gomorrah.”

Abbott recently proposed a measure in Texas that would tax protestors for their use of gravity to stick to government owned property while voicing their unacceptable opinions. Amazingly, no one has filed suit to stop him.