Elon Musk Calls Report Fake News

Hours after NASA reporting to the new James Webb Space Telescope was struck by micrometeroids believed to be remnants of the original spooge ejected from God’s micropenis during the Big Bang, the European Space Agency reported that eyewitness accounts of the incident claim the JWST was actually sideswiped by the 2010 Roadster meganimrod Elon Mush launched as part of a viral marketing campaign  to convince American taxpayers to let him do whatever the fuck he wants.

“Not true,” an imaginary spokesrobot for the Trumpist billionaire, “Elon Musk doesn’t need the approval of American taxpayers to do whatever the fuck he wants. [Insert poop emoji here].