DeSantis Tells Parents: “When The Going Gets Tough, Get Your Ass In Gear”

Taking a brief break from dragging his cancer-stricken wife to a series evangelical superspreader events believed by the faithful to have healing properties across his shit hole state, Florida governer & totally committed douchebag Ron “The Con” DeSantis told his posse of handpicked right-wing journalists yesterday that he had already beaten COVID several times during the ongoing coronavirus hoax & he saw no reason to change the policies that have worked for him so well in the past.

“As the founding fathers taught us in the Constitution,” the leading spokesman for American deceptionalism told the eager interns, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. We have this fake pandemic under control & we will keep it under control as long as the great people of Florida continue doing their part to keep the cost of routine victim disposal on time & under budget. That’s why I am announcing today a new requirement that every student in our great state bring at least one personal body bag with them as they continue the kind of in-person learning that the experts agree is more important than life itself!”