Nobody Rips Me Off & Gets Away With It
After days of claiming reports of poor attendance at his Orlando appearance with disgraced Fox News celebrity Bill O’Reilly was “fake news,” former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle abruptly changed tactics & filed a class action suit in federal court to recover more than $2 million his Save America PAC has paid attendees “who never showed up, despite accepting Venmo payments and other considerations.”
Throughout his boorish political career, Mr. Turdwaffle has routinely hired “supporters” on craigslists to fill choice seats at his fundraising rallies to make his finances great again. Being president may have been the greatest and most profitable scam in his entirely depraved life.
After an army of Tik Tok Teens embarrassed the former failed führer by gobbling up more than a million of online reservations for his Tulsa Massacre celebration during the 2020 campaign, a photo of a deflated Turdwaffle went viral after he ranted & raved to a sparse audience.
As attendance at his hillbilly hoe-downs fell off sharply, Turdwaffle was forced to pay attendees anywhere from $25 to $500 a seat to fill seats left empty by the COVID pandemic, not from concern about their health but from the number of corpses that previously filled those seats as their hero lied about the pandemic to lure them in.
Now, ironically, Turdwaffle has been forced to sue the dead in some cases to recover the cost of doing politics.
