Perhaps We Should Have Mentioned This Earlier
“We told you so, decades ago,” Dr. Maya Boutriques told an emergency meeting of blind-sided journalists who were stunned to discover the unpredictable weather realities they’ve been reporting on as unusual or aberrant for more than half a century were, in fact, the so-called “new normal” we’ve been hearing so much about, “So fuck your feelings.”
Dr. Boutriques joined nearly 1,300 international climate scientists aboard the previously unknown Bezos Conference Center in an undisclosed orbital location this week to advise the universe’s wealthiest landowners on how best to decommission this mining colony before abandoning the planet and relocating to the kind of cost-effecient infrastructure currently being built back better on Mars and the outer worlds.
While several progessive government leaders expressed outrage they had not been informed that the planet was quickly becoming uninhabitable by the people whose profit-centers were most endangered by civilian attempts to retain a liveable environment, the captains of industry and progress pointed to explicit disclosures made in various contracts world leaders had signed without so much as a howdy do, including Terms of Service, which couldn’t have been more clear in implying explicitly that they couldn’t give less of a fuck if they wanted to.
And they don’t want to.
As do we all.
