Why Am I Still Having To Pay Off Hookers? I Should Have My Own Fucking Channel
Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and the guy who often blamed Rudy Guliani for his farts, Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini is now threatening to move his official press release site to Pornhub.com.
The fake media has cited several unnamed sources saying that Pussolini is “incredibly pissed off” that his app is a complete and total disaster and is trying to decide whether to move to Tik Tok or Pornhub, noting that dozens of former exployees he hardly new “are raking in the big bucks without paying my usual fees.”
Pussolini has been permanently banned from most mainstream social media platforms. Even a few of his favorite right-wing outlets have distanced themselves from the failed führer since the failed coup attempt on Jan 6, 2021. He was unable to sign up for GETTR, despite using several burner phones that he lent to Project Veritas and The Freedom Caucus to open a new account.
According to unnamed sources we probably made up, the failed führer recently trademarked Grabito Pussolini because we were too unprofessional to protect our intellectual property, hoping to compete with other very fine influencers on the fascist side who already have Pornhub channels.
Former Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham is known as Throbbing Grisham on the site, where she runs the Bratty Sis channel. Sarah Huckabee Sanders runs My Pervy Family, while Steve Mnuchin is connected with both My Family Pies and Family Strokes. Perhaps most on brand for Trump’s inner circle is Ben Carson’s Blacked Raw.
“That’s where the action is for my really uneducated. I love the uneducated,” Pussolini was overheard saying to an unidentified Russian investor on an unsecure line earlier today. “My people know what they like. I think this could be bigger than Apprentice before Arnold screwed it up.”
