Catsup Was Invented At A Wuhan Wet Market To Celebrate Nixon’s Visit To China
It’s amazing how few people realize that a condiment originally consisting almost entirely of fermented anchovies has come to symbolize American greatness by dominating the fast food and ephemeral services sectors our supply-side plantation economy.
Very few Democrats have been tied to the catsup lobby, although nearly every Repugnicunt — from moderately right of center to full-on Turdwaffle Nazi— is so proud of their alignment with the catsup lobby that it is prominently featured in their campaign materials.
Nixon himself courted both the catsup and dairy lobbies when he promoted his favorite mid-day meal, which consisted of a large bowl of cottage cheese smothered in catsup.
Old Rummy Reagan built on Nixon’s good relations with the catsup and dairy lobbies when he directed the Dept. of Health & Human Services to count two packets of Heintz or Hunt’s catsup as a single serving of the daily vegetable requirement.
So Nixon ate catsup as a vegetable. Reagan sold catsup to American parents as a vegetable. Then former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & everybody’s favorite weird uncle Grabito Pussolini decided that catsup worked wonders as a wall treatment.
The GOP is still riding that incredible catsup wave soon to be cresting near that beautiful hilltop house in the shining white city on the hill where everyone listens to Kate Bush and watches Stranger Things.
I have spent the better part of half of the twenty minutes I set aside before posting this item to determine exactly who is an official member of the catsup-dairy complex, and I must admit some disappointment at my willingness to abandon this story as less important that other one about the effects of farts upon young children.
