Tweets from Cassandra Widdershin's Blood Lion
Are We There Yet?
And If So, As Uncle Vinnie Price So Often Asked: “What Place Is This?"It appears that I have been a little too optimistic about catastrophic supply-side...
I Apologize For My Recent Absence From These Cave Walls
I Was Suffering From FOMO & Thinking That Elon’s Tender Titter Reinstatement Or The Plantation Economy’s Slovenly Substack Could Feed My Troglodyte JonesBut...
Americans Proud Of Their Stupidity
There’s Nothing In The Ten Commandments Or The Constitution That Says Anyone Needs To Be Smart To Pass Gas Through The Eye Of A NeedleThat’s why I’ll...
He Gets Us PAC Touts Record Tithing
We’ll Make America A Great Christian Country Again Real Soon NowThe antiquity trafficking sponsored non-profit also admits that in the months prior to...
Brian Walshe Searched Google On How To Become A Repugnicunt
Contingency Planning Is Crucial To Staying In The Game In Our Nation Of Miserable Fucks#MAGA
George DeSantos (R-Word, NY) Promises To Resign...
…Once Every One Of The 142,000 George DeSantoses Who Voted For Me Shows Their IDs“I worked as a bouncer at a gay bar owned by the Rev. Dr. Rodney Luther...
Is There No One To Nominate That Meddlesome George DeSantos For Transexual Jew-ish Spritzer Of The House?
It Seems Like A Perfect Opportunity For The God Of You Choice To Weigh In On Whether Democracy Has Become So Messy Our Nation Of Miswrble Fucks Has Run...
George DeSantos Nominates Gabrito Pussolini To Be House Speaker
“We Need New Leadership,” Lying Criminal Asshole Proclaims
“We must take back our country from the woke mob that refuses to accept our realities,”...
Trump Invites Patriots Back To Capitol For Second Anniversary Observance Of Ashli Boebert Martydom
It Will Be Even Wilder! Reads Sign On Side Of #AltWhite Van Parked Outside Mar A LagoWhat?
You were expecting the obvious?
Isn’t that obvious?
Why Did The IRS Neglect To Audit Trump During His First Two Years In Office?
“He Told Us He Was Already Being Audited,” Says Unnamed AgentApparently former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and Nazi DNA super-spreader...
Someone Just Told Me Climate Change Is A Hoax
I Said “Maybe For You, Right Now, But Give It A Couple Of Months, Bitch…"Is our nation of miserable fucks so incapable of basic critical thinking that...
Hershel Walker Claims His Penis Was Kidnapped By Terrorists
How I Get All Them Ladies In The Pudding Club Wif No Penis? Candidate Asks Gay Interviewer With A Straight FaceWe are currently bracing for a well-earned...
Old Rummy Reagan Prepared Nation of Miserable Fucks For Mourning In America
I Told You SoReligious stupidity is an essential building block of #AmericanFamilyValues.
Don’t ever forget it.
Elon's Musk Too Much For Liberal Bitches
“I Ain’t No Uppity Incel!” Tweets World’s Richest DumbfuckGrimes would neither confirm nor deny what I just typed in opposition to the specious idea...
Kari Lake Could Give Colin Jost A Real Run For His Money Over Who Has The More Punchable Face
But She’s Currently Trying To Out Grabito Grabito Pussolini Like You Wouldn’t BelieveI’m pretty sure Flannery O’Connor was gazing into the future when...
You Know Sometimes Among All These Old Law & Religion Books The really Good Stuff To Read Gets Lost
Not That Everything You Read Is Really Worth A ShitMy favorite writers understood how worthless they are. Pound, Vonnegut, and Bukowski are the same...
Grabito Pussolini Congratulates Hershel Walker On "Unbelievable Win"
Suggests O. J. Simpson Be Walker's Vice-Senator In December Run-Off“This could be a campaign like no one has ever seen before, not even Frederick Douglas,...
Incels Claim Trannies Are Making Out Like Bandits
"Vote Like The Supply Chain For Your Antibacterial Lubiderm Depends Upon It,” Says Steve BannonSurely I’m not the only itinerant cave painter in our...
Which Reaganite Whiteys Are Behind Those Fear-Mongering Halloween Candy Myths?
Why Can’t I Paint All These GOP Nimrods With The Same Assholish Brushstrokes?#ExistentialTrickQuestions for you American Deceptionalists.
GOP Senate Candidate Herschel Walker Denies Accusation He Paid For Girlfriend's Abortion In 2009; Threatens Suit
She Signed A Non-Disclosure AgreementStaunch ally of all that is stupid in America, Georgia’s best GOP candidate for the Senate, Herschel Walker blasted...
Pussolini Calls NY AG Jigaboo James But AI Saves His Fat White Ass
Hey, What Can I Say?What good is living if you can't call a spade a spade?
#TheTerribleSwiftianSword at #PundyRaunch
Hillary Clinton Volunteers For Special Master Review
It’s The Least I Can Do To Show My appreciation For The Rule Of Lawyers#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Trump Credits Another Perfect Phone Call For Judge Aileen Luce Cannon Decision
Repugnicunt Obstruction Expands To Include Judiciary#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
FBI Gearing Up To Raid Remaining Trump Properties Searching For Stolen Documents
Foreign Governments Are Refusing To Return Secret Stuff He Sold Them Without Reimbursement“We paid top dollar for those secrets,” says attorney for Russian...
Uneducated Pro-Trump Kochsuckers Blast Biden Loan Forgiveness Demanding Equal Rights For Antivax Illiterate Whites
We Bought Cars & Manufactured Homes Instead Of Some Uppity Education“If I had knowed four years ago that being stupid was trending among qualities that...
Nazi Kochsuckers Who Regularly Rig Elections Complain About Niggers, Spics, Kikes, LGBTQs, & Pataphysicians Refusing To Give Up
If God Meant For Democracy To Give The Heathens A Fair Shake, Why Did He Put Us In Charge? Palefaced Moderates Ask#ExistentialTrickQuestions
Trump's Legal Team Asks For 'Special Master' To Go Through Mar-A-Lago Evidence And Determine If Some Should Be Returned
Rule Of Lawyers Argue Failed Führer's Signature Is Worth Millions On Collector’s MarketThat supply-side plantation economy’s meat is sure hard to beat....
Sen. Lindsey Graham Granted Temporary Delay For Ga. Grand Jury Testimony
Graham Undergoes Emergency Colonoscopy To Remove Foreign-Funded Election Interference Evidence From His Ample Buttocks“Whew,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham...
Uneducated American Shitheads Vow To Teach The Rest Of Us A Lesson
This Land Belongs To Me And Trump's Good Buddies, Sings Woodenheaded GuthrieI never thought I’d live to see a planetary extinction marketed as a spectator...
MAGAts Swarm FBI Offices After Raid On Mar A Lago To Free The Classified Nuclear Hostages
You Can’t Treat Our Führer This Way, You Commie Rat Bastards!As the liberal media struggles to escape the perception of marginally sentient Americans...
Why Is It Whenever A Civilization Is Suitably Warned Of Its Imminent Collapse That It Blames Barbarians At The Gate For Any Consequences It Dismisses As 'Alarmist?'
You Should Have Seen The Shit In The Dinosaur TimesHow stupid are you?
Do you believe in God?
Has He told you to do anything crazy lately in His...
GOP & Former Failed Führer Call FBI Warrant A Witch Hunt
FBI Tells Nazis To “Go Listen To Billy The Mountain”
For those Nazis out there too dumb to use Google, here’s the song in all its uncommonly sensible...
Trump Promises To Make Kyle Rittenhouse Acting Head Of Homeland Security
Once I’m Reinstated Things Are Going To Change Around HereClimate scientists have begun rooting for the end of the world, saying “I’d rather be dead...
Nazi News Media Accuses Xiphoid Nancy Of Goading China Into World War Whoopee!!!
I Love WOTD More Than WordleToday’s word is xiphoid.
Consider it my gift to you.
EXCLUSIVE: Cassidy Hutchinson Stayed On Trump Payroll For 9 Weeks After He Left The White House, Government Records Show
Entire After-Tax Amount Was Contributed To SAVE America PACThe Department of Justice this morning could neither confirm nor deny a possible investigation...
Jizzlane Maxwell Moved To Mar A Lago Medium Security Prison
Former President Converts Resort To Penal Colony
Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & America’s answer to harnessing the widespread...
Wing Nut Blames Same-Sex Marriage For Husband Waving Penis Around
All This LGBTQ Vegan Nonsense Is Undermining Macholinity
Freshman Rep. Lorena Balzac-Boebert (R-Word, CO) joined conservative podcast cunt Sorry Charlie...
NRA Retools Slogan In Innovative Indiana Mall Massacre Marketing Campaign
The Only Thing That Stops A Bad Young Hoodlum With A Gun Is A Slightly Older Good Samaritan With A Gun"It’s almost biblical in its simplicity,” Sylvia...
Select Committee Issues Subpoena For Secret Service Records Relating To January 6 Capitol Attack
Trump Calls It Conservative Presidential Harassment; Threatens Suit To Stop Release
Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & only US president...
Repugnicunts Demand Protection Under Endangered Ideologies Act
It’s In One Of Turdwaffle’s #AmericaFirst Executive OrdersAs the yellow journalists continue to predict “a complete and total bloodbath” for the Democrats...
I See Tylenol Is Trending On Twitter
I Used To Publish As ‘The Tylenol Kid’I still have an Osama Bin Laden Facebook account. I was Timothy McVeigh after I inveigled a way to accidentally...
Boris Johnson To Replace Turdwaffle & Son On Truth Social Board
It’s Just Until This Dreadful Hullaboo Blows Over, Says Deflated Pompous Windbag
When former British Prime Minister, Boris The Spider Johnson (R-Word,...
Then Go Home And Check Yourself
You’ll Think He’s Singing About Someone ElseBut you’re plastic, people, and baby you’re still such a drag.
Flawed Oxygen Readings May Be Behind Covid-19’S Toll On People Of Color
And There’s Better Than Even Odds Systemic Racism In Healthcare Is Behind That HeadlineBut we’ll never know, will we? Because free access to information...
Trump Says Hutchinson Testimony Explains Missing Presidential Gifts
They Are No Longer In My Possession So Talk To My Agent; The White House Is Insured By Social SecurityTwice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & some...
Texas To Consider Making SCOTUS Roe Decision Retroactive To 1973
God Is Obviously On Our Side, Gov Bud Abbott Tells Frothing SupportersCiting Associate Justice Sam The Sham Alito’s argument that Roe should never have...
Boebert Wrongly Claims Gatling Guns Existed When Second Amendment Written
Says The Tommy Gun Was Named For Jefferson
Freshman Rep. Lorena Boebert (R-Word, CO) appeared on Capitol Report over the weekend to call President...
Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Colin Kaepernick
Should Not Have Been Fired For Taking A Knee In Deference To “Shit-Hole God”Writing for the Nazi majority, Dissociative Justice Clarence “Pube Boy” Thomas...
Claim: White American Lawmakers Among Dumbest Lifeforms On Planet
Fact Check By The Law Of AveragesIn recent weeks, The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat (PPOCLL) has received numerous anonymous...
Fresh Off Their Supreme Court Forced Labor For Reluctant Mothers Victory, Nazis Set Sites On Outlawing Anything They Don't Like At The State Level
#IToldYouSoI have good news and bad news about the current state of our nation of miserable fucks. In keeping our great white tradition of not fixing...
Nobel Sold For Ukrainian Kids Shatters Record At $103.5M
Anonymous Bidder Dies In Gruesome Golf Course AccidentFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & the best Hitler we can afford these days, Donald...
Will Donald Trump face John Adams justice or Frank Zappa justice?
That Was Another Actual Headline
The entire bit about Zappa in the post was is quote: “America is a nation of laws, poorly written and randomly enforced.”
Read...
Juneteenth Is At Risk Of Losing Its Meaning
Trump Solicits Funds For Proposed Juneteenth Golf Tournament In Conjunction With Saudi Our LIVs Matter FoundationSeriously?
You're expecting what,...
Boebert Denies Being Hooker
Vows To Sue American Muckrakers For Exposé
GOP freshman congresswoman Lorena Boebert (R-Word, CO) vowed to take action against an antifa-aligned PAC...
Judge J. Michael Luttig Declares America Is At War Against Nazi Tendencies
Rejects Calls For Arms Embargo To Cut Off Supplies To Insurrectionist MilitiasFormer federal circuit judge J. Michael Luttig (R-Word, retired) was nominated...
Several Potential School Shooters Shot Before They Could Buy Guns
We’ve Heard The Concerns For Parental Rights After UvaldeThe liberal mainstream right-wing media is trying to avoid investigating reports of multiple...
What's The Superlative Beyond Dumb, Dumber, & Dumbest?
Is It American?#ExistentialTrickQuestions
It's About Your Stupidity, Stupid
Somebody Has To Say ItIt’s clear that if there is a God, He has one sick sense of humor seeing as He created this heavily-armed & sanctimonious suicidal...
Jury Calls Durham Case Pure Bull
40 Year Effort To Get Hillary Clinton Ends With Pathetic Whimpering From Feckless Right Wing Noise Machine#IToldYouSo
Need I say more?
Monica Lewinsky Says Everyone Is Guilty In Johnny Depp's Misheard Trial
Suggests She’d Sue Andy Warhol For Misrepresentation If He Wasn’t Dead“It’s amazing how long 15 minutes of fame can last,” former White House intern...
Lorena Boebert: 'When 9/11 Happened, We Didn't Didn't Ban The TSA"
But Progressives Still Want To Defungible Our Hero CopsRep. Lorena Boebert (R-Word, CO) was forced to tweet her opposition to the Uvalde “liberal kneejerk...
On With The Second Amendment Body Count
Imagine If There Was Some Way To Regulate Who Gets To Engage In A Mass ShootingMaybe make it a requirement for gun ownership that only people who admit...
Megyn Kelly Rips Media For Blaming Tucker Carlson For Buffalo Shooting
Denialist Racist Podcaster Says She Deserves More CreditNoting that she’s been denigrating black people since “before Tucker stopped wearing his bow...
Madison Cawthorn Loses His Ass In Congress After 2 Years Of Fucking Around In Elected Orifice
You Won’t Have This Helms On Wheels To Kick Around AnymoreAshli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word,NC), the youngest dumb flaccid member of Congress, whose...
'Completely Unfair': Marjorie Taylor Greene Complains About Reputation For Being 'Unintelligent'
I Have A Lot Of Other Things Going For Me Besides Being Stupid Marjoe WhinesRep Marjoe Faylure Gumpreene (R-Word, GA) pinned the blame on the “donkey...
God Returns To Earth With A Vengeance
I Heard Your Prayers, Supreme Diety Says, And Here I Am To Stand My Ground & DeliverFaced with withering criticism of His recent disregard for His most...
Family Claims Mom’s Ashes Spell Out Emotional Message For Them On Surface Of Water: ‘Chills All Over’
Dad Always Told Us She Was A Real Bitch But This Was Next Level DickishnessProving that there is nothing better than a brutal burn to liven up a funeral,...
If Life Is So Precious
Why Do So Many Of These So-Called Precious Lives Act So Badly To One Another?Is this your only daily #ExistentialTrickQuestion?
What a horrible life...
An Occasional Reminder
Music Remains The Best
I know where the time goes. Right down the toilet with everything else.
As my old dead buddy Hungry Chuck Bukowski always...
Recently I Was Asked If I Ever Regretted Being Crass And Lower Class
I Must Admit It Gave Me PauseAfter all, who wants to be remembered as just another Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn?
#HelmsOnWheels
Biden Names First Black And LGBT White House Press Secretary
Fox Calls Move A Slap In The Face To Kayleigh MAGAninnyIf the right-[proudly uneducated]-wing seems particularly butt hurt over the Psaki bush-smacking...
Boy, I'm Glad I Wasn't Born Black Or With A Vagina
The Good Times Of American Family Values Are Killing Everyone But Me!So much for empathy!
I am so glad to have been born late enough in human devolution...
Trump Defends Nebraska Gubernatorial Candidate Facing Groping Allegations
Groping, You Sure It Wasn’t Grabbing? Asks Grabito PussoliniFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and shameless bottom-feeding cornhole addict...
People Used To Ask Me Why I Was So Negative Or Unhappy Or Angry
Mostly Because I Used To Interact With ThemI won’t make that mistake again.
#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
DeSantis Slams Disney For Negotiating Great Terms In 1960s
The Mouse Fucked Us In Advance, Florida’s Favorite Führer WhinesSaying he didn’t know why he should be bound by terms of a legal agreement between Disney...
Now That Elon Has Bought Twitter Maybe I Should Appeal My Eternal Suspension One Last Time
It’s Like My Life Is Meaningless Without It & Deserving Of Social Compensation!*I’ve been waiting patiently for my 1,291,478th slot to open up at Troop...
Trump Blasts France Election Results Claiming LaPen Should Be His Running Mate In 2024
There’s No Way A 56-42 Margin Isn’t Rigged“I wouldn’t concede if I was her,” former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and man who was crestfallen...
Freedumb Trucker Tucker Carlson Freaks Out Over Obama's Disinformation Speech
Could The Former Black President Be A Full-Blown Fascist Who Hates You? Alternative Gay Bob Doll AsksLess than 24 hours after a former president who...
Our Zero Tolerance Culture Is About To Kill The Entire Planet
I Just Want To Cancel All Of Contemporary CivilizationI’m pretty sure it takes a hell of a lot more guts doing it in your teens or early twenties, but...
Empathy Is America's Latest Pet Rock
What A Nation Of Miserable Fucks That Has Such Nimrods In ItI’ve come to the conclusion that America’s current addiction to blaming every failing of...
Tucker Carlson's Cult Of Testicle Tanners Terrorize Local Beaches
Tupperware Announces Stainless Steel Scotum Scissors That Free Your Bad Boys To Dance In The Sunshine And Laugh Every day
America’s favorite #ExistentialTrickQuestion,...
If I Had It All To Do Over Again
I Would Have Opted For A Career As A Cave Painter CriticI’m sure there was an MFA program somewhere I could have adapted into some weird second major.
Sure....
Who's Dreaming Of A White Easter?
Yeast Is Risen! We’re In The Dough, Raimi#PundyRaunch rises again!
Putin Denies Involvement In Brooklyn Subway Attack
Must Be Ukraine Comedians Again! Says GOPAuthorities say their focus was immediately fixed on Russian mass murderer Vlad “The Impudent” Putin in connection...
The Greatest Thing About Life Is How Complete It Is
Life Doesn’t Need Us Or Our Proud StupidityThat’s why there are so many Gods around to negotiate the stupid shit humans pretend is so important to keep...
Judge Kitani Samwise Jackson Confirmed To Supreme Court Despite All The Honkies
Crackers Decry Cancel Culture As Alleged Black Bitch Dons A Decidedly Non-Klan RobeThe thing I’m most looking forward to in the next eight years is the...
Can Computers Learn Common Sense?
That’s The Subject Line Of Today’s E-Mail From The New YorkerI sure as fuck hope not. Have you seen what common sense has done to this planet?
Have You Seen Our New Trump Was So Right Stickers?
Don’t Fall For Chinese KnockoffsI got the idea from an e-mail I found in one of my many Nazi junk mail folders from the greasy-looking goombah son of...
Will Smith Resigns From Academy After “Inexcusable” Actions At Oscars
Mulls 2024 Run For White House As Moderate RepugnicuntAs the backlash over his sucker-slapping of comedian Kid Rock onstage at the Oscars slowly sloshes...
Trump Mocked For Lengthy Official Statement Boasting About Grabbing A Hole In One Hand
Former Twice-Impeached Unindicted Co-Conspirator Claims He Holed Fresh Pussy In One Small Grab For Mankind While Joking With Pros At His Florida Sex...
U.S. Runs Out Of Money To Pay Providers To Treat Uninsured COVID-19 Patients
They Were Warned. They Were Given Ample Explanation. Nevertheless, They Persisted.If you’re uninsured and get COVID, experts are now recommending that...
Rep. Madison Cawthorn Tells Audience: 'I Don't Have A Whole Lot Of Wisdom'
“And You Don’t Seem To Have A Lick Of sense Either,” Admonished Elderly GrandmotheFar right testicle Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC)...
If No One Else Is Wearing A Mask, Should You?
These Are The Kinds Of Questions The Dumbest Dinosaurs Ask Each Other As They Go Extinct#IToldYouSo, you feckless cunts so consumed with running the...
NASA Has Found More Than 5,000 Planets Outside Of Our Solar System
Nearly All Are Already Owned By Supply-Side Plantation OwnersNASA has identified more than 5,000 planets in the general neighborhood just outside our...
Politics Is Poopadoodle And History Is Bunk According To Repugnicunts
That Is All Ye Know Of American Family Values And All Ye Need To KnowReading the bullshit that passes for news these days, it has become crystal clear...
Dementia Linked To Premature Menopause In Women, Study Says
There’s One More Thing We Can Thank Women ForWhew! For a second there my head was swmming. I thought they said premature ejaculation.
#TheTerribleS...
New COVID Mutation Causes Spontaneous Erections
The Epsischlong Variant Has America By The Short Hairs In A Hard PlaceRepugnicunt lawmakers today declared the Democrat Coronavirus Kung-Flu Hoax officially...
People's Convoy Demands That Congress End Climate Change
That Would Be A Real Win-Win For All Of Us Really Good AmericansCapitol Hill police have been preparing for weeks for the truckers of Turdwaffle’s “Freedumb...
Trump Rejects 'Ridiculous' Story That He's Using Campaign Funds For A New 'Trump Force One' Plane
Suggests One Of The Kids Maybe Did ItLess than 48 hours after a plane carrying former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and America’s favorite...
America! Say It Ain't Joe McManchin...
West Virginia’s Favorite Oligarch Needs to Go To HellI suspect the founding fathers never intended for some small-minded evil little senatorial twit...
Cawthorn Claims Police Harassment
Outlaw Lawmaker Arrested Again For Driving Without A LicenseRep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) slammed the North Carolina State Highway...
New York Times Says They Will Block Wordle Cheaters
No More Mr. & Mrs. All The Nice News to Fit Your Pedestrian ViewsFollowing reports that thousands of Tik Tok Teens have been selling the daily solutions...
You Want To Know How To Learn To Write Like Me?
There’s No Big Secret To Success If You Choose To Avoid ItI may have graduated from Clemson with honors, because of a second half rally for the record...
Antifa Denies Reponsibility In Freedumb Convoy Attacks
Organizers Of SOTU Trucker Blockade in DC Complain Of Democrat Sabotage To Thwart Freedom Loving PatriotsCiting sky-rocketing prices at the pump that...
Would You Pay $10 A Month To Join The Cancelled Club?
For Some Reason My Ideas Seldom Make Me Any MoneyDo you think I need to engage with the occasional spelunker who stumbles across these digital cave paintings?
I’m...
'Of Course He Would': Fiona Hill Dishes On Putin And Plutonium
He’s Acting Just Like Trump But He Still Has Nukes!Veteran foreign affairs analyst Fiona Boonisfarne Apple-Hill said “I told you so,” this morning when...
Man Killed For Cheating At Wordle
He Thought It Was A Joke. So Who’s Laughing Now?Wordle finally turned deadly this weekend, joining a long and colorful line of time-wasting trends that...
Can 8 Billion People Ever Agree To Be Right?
#RectumOracleAnswers……deserve #ExistentialTrickQuestions
Holy Holophrasis Batman
I Told You So Now I get it. There is even a word for the shit we are standing in up to our necks.
Capitalists hate repeating themselves and that’s...
Dimwit Donald J Turdwaffle Jr. Says Father Ready To Broker Peace Deal Between Russia & Ukraine Aggressors
All It Takes Is A Few Artful Plea Deals In Swing StatesDimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle Jr. sounded like his dad this morning when he put himelf in the shoes...
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy Is The Best Lady G Can Hope For At this Point
If You Were Her Wouldn’t You?Sometimes you just just gotta go with the flow.
Here’s another of those solos from up around the summit of Billy the...
Now That's Some Catch That Catch 2 22 22
Trump Blasts Biden Sanctions On Russian BanksAs former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & the kind of guy who makes the uneducated shine like...
Crazy Person Complains About Being Treated 'As If I'm Some Kind Of Marjorie Taylor Greene'
Even I Know Not To Insult Spaz Gaucho PoliceA homeless liberal who once suggested that California wildfires were the result of human caused climate change...
Baby Formula Recalled Over Ivermectin & Other Alternatve Medical Facts
Manufacturers Wanted To Help Protect Anti-Vaxxers From COVIDAccording to totally prefabricated reports, fugitives from the January 6 insurrection conducted...
Truth Social: You Can't Handle It
But You Can Follow It On TwitterUnless, of course, you are twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & fat guy demanding he be let sing one last inane...
Miami Dade Police Deny Deal With Turdwaffle To Sell Insurrectionist Swag
It Was A Blessed Inconvenience Cops SayAn alleged typo on an informational flier given to law-breaking motorists on how to resolve their citations online...
Sarah Palin To Appeal Defamation Verdict
This Wasn’t Just For The Principle Of The ThingOne day after Mr. Judge Roy Bean told a drinking buddy at Rudy’s Bar and Grill that he was going to dismiss...
@DoctorFaustroll Finds The Whole Whoopi Goldberg Thing Hilarious
When Did Who Has The Best Holocaust Story Become An Olympic Event?We need to rise above the racism at the core of Repugnicunt American Family Values...
Trump Offers To Broker Peace Deal Between Russia & Ukraine For A Little Favor In Return
It’s No Biggie Twice-Impeached Unindicted Co-Conspirator InsistsAs tensions between the US, NATO, Vlad “The Impudent” Putin, and Taco Bell intensified...
Trump Denies He Flushed Secrets Down The Toilet
That's What The Garbage Disposal Is ForFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and pole-dance pee-guzzler Donald J. Turdwaffle bristled Thursday...
Matt Gaetz: Stop Me Before I Prey Again!
Tells House Colleagues Woke Sexual Predators Must Not Escape JusticeRep. Matt Gaetz (R-Word, FL) spoke in favor of a bill that would limit protections...
It's Now Official
This Democrat Coronavirus Hoax Will Finally Be Over When I Finally Lose At WordleSorry. I just have this thing about word games…
Looks like 4.4 million...
Suicidal Organ Donors Leave Funny Note On Facebook
Now You Can Honestly Say Some Of Your Best Friends Are DeadOh, snap! I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Like, follow, and subscribe!
Glenn Youngkin Endorses Reinstatement For Former Douchebag
His Promising Me A Pardon Has Nothing To Do With It“Why would I need a pardon?” Gov. Youngkin (R-Word, VA) asked. “I haven’t done anything God didn’t...
I See The Mainstream Media Has Finally Acknowledged We're On A #CountdownToOneMillion
It’s A Great Time To Be In The Cadaver Cosy BusinessHow many times do I have to say I told you so? We’ll be looking at 1.1 million before the blink of...
US Accuses Russia Of Planning Gulf Of Tonkin-Style Video To Justify Invasion Of Ukraine
Just Because We’ve Done It Doesn’t Give Them The Right“That’s our trademark,” says unnamed White House source close to the former butthole of national...
DeSantis Says People Calling For Him To Condemn Nazis Are Trying To Smear His Reputation
Some Of My Best Friends Are Nazis, Repugnicunt Presidential turdwaffle Challenger SaysGov. Ron DeSantis (R-Word, FL) blasted critics who said he should...
Bipartisan Governors Tell Biden To Stop With This Pandemic Bullshit
With All This Climate Change And Collapsing Infrastructure, Does It Really Matter If We All Get Sick? We’ve Got An Economy To Take Care OfIn private,...
Poppa's Got A Brand New Scam
My #Alt-Reich Junk Email Box Has Four Turdwaffle Shit Shop Ads This MorningThe twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator must be facing some massive...
JFK Jr. Is On A Ventilator With COVID, Palin Named As Cause
He Had Dinner In NYC Restaurant With Former Repugnicunt VP Mama Bear Candidate Sarah PalinQAnon followers reacted with skepticism to news that JFK Jr...
American Pandemic Of The Proudly Ignorant Enters Third Year
It’s Amazing The Shit Americans Believe And Are Willing To Sacrifice Their Offspring ForI imagine the dinosaurs sat around watching Fox Gnus as they...
Governor Offers Bulldog's Butthole To Critics Of State's Proudly Uneducated
Animal Rights Activists Call For Arrest In Suspected Canine Sex Trafficking
Little did nimrod Gov. Jim “Whitey” Justice (R-Word, WV) suspect that...
Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn Calls Challenge To His Fitness To Hold Office Prosecution
Argues Real Insurection Took Place On November 3, 2020Freshman Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) blasts effort to use 14th Amendment ban...
Dumbfucks Have Replaced Cunts As Ultimate World Runners
Jarvis Cocker To Release Updated Version Of Classic Pre-Apocalyptic AnthemIn the meantime, enjoy what the world was like until the really rancid cunts...
Jeffrey Epstein Is Still Alive & Living Under An Assumed Name
Worked As Strategic Advisor For Turdwaffle’s 2020 Presidential CampaignNow living in exile at Mar-a-Lago, the allegedly deceased accused sex trafficker...
Stupid Son-Of-A-Bitch Upset President Biden Called Him Out
Steve Doocy’s Little Boy Proves To Be Chip Off The Old BlockJen Psaki’s favorite anti-intellectual hackey sack, Peter Doocy, had whatever he calls his...
Lone Ranger Comes Out Against Mask Mandates
Don’t You Think This Public Health Crisis Done Got Out Of Hand?“I’ve been wearing a mask since 1933,” said John Reid, the immortal Texas Ranger who retired...
US Deeply Concerned Over Alleged Plot To Install Pro-Russian Regime In Ukraine
We’re Still Invesitigating The Fat Son Of A Bitch For Insurrection, State Department Tells LavrovEver since losing the 2020 election in a popular vote...
Come On People Now, You Never Heard Of Big Brother?
Can Somebody Please Explain To Me What “Lethal Aid" Is? As an average extraordinary citizen of Earth living in a heavily-armed nation of miserable fucks,...
Turdwaffle Offers Hand-Signed Army/Navy Football As Prize In Save America Fund-Raising Raffle
This Was From My First Interception When Wharton Loaned Me To The Army/Navy GameAs this complete and total disaster of football season comes to its totally...
Mike Pence Corrects Famous Dan Quayle Quote for Fox
Tucker Carlsen Asks Former Turdwaffle Under-Assistant President For Vice If He Has Any Regrets About His Role In January 6 Celebrations Where He Was...
Ivanka Tells Jan. 6 Panel She Can't Testify Because Agreements For Chinese Trademarks
I’d Like To Help But My Lawyers Tell Me I Signed An NDA“I’m such a ditz,” the former first daughter told the clearly biased Democrat terrorists conducting...
Turdwaffle Threatens To Leave Country Unless He Is Reinstated
What Good Is Winning In A Landslide If Antifa Won’t Let Me Rule?Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & the epitome of American Family Values,...
Matt Gaetz Blasts Sex-Trafficking Investigators
How Come I Can’t Get Immunity?After the alleged former girlfriend of staunch Turdwaffle ally, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Word, FL), was granted immunity last...
Bibi Netanyahoo Close To Plea Deal In Corruption Trial
Claims He Was Was Promised A Pardon For moving US Embassy To Jerusalem“A deal is a deal,” the former Prime Minister told YU Finance reporter Happy Clie...
Trump Takes Credit For Omnicron Surge
I Told You That Testing Would Make The Numbers Go Up“Do you miss me now?” America’s favorite twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & all-around douchebag...
My Pillow CEO Says He Has Enough Evidence To Put 350 Million Americans In Jail
You Have No Idea How Big This Fraud Thing Really Is“People selling their babies, hoodlums breaking into dropboxes, liberals thinking they know so much,...
Dolphins Have A Fully Functional Clitoris, Swingers Find
America Has A Bold New Market For Industrial-Strength Sex Toys!During the ongoing pandemic, our nation of miserable fucks’ sexually adventurous have...
New Necronomnicron Variant May Be Deadliest Yet
Pataphysicians Call It The Crowley ClapAs a Darwinian percentage of supposedly educated human beings continue to reject vaccines & other measures developed...
Eldest Trump Children Won't Comply With Subpoenas From New York Attorney General, Citing White Executive Privilege
Donald J. Turdwaffle Jr & Ivanka Claim Political & Religious Persecution By ProsecutorAs New York Attorney General Letitia “La Bron” James continues...
Elizabeth Holmes Claims TKO Victory In Fraud Cases
I Was Innocent Of A Clear Majority Of Charges, So I WinAnnouncing her intention to sue to recover legal expenses related to her lengthy trial, Theranos...
Trump To Launch Ashli Babbitt Monument Fund On January 6
Promises Pardons For All On MAGA Martyr Day*Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Pullputzer Award-winning author of The Epic of KuklaM*A*S*H,...
DeSantis Denies He Gave Wife Cancer
Claims They Signed A Prenup That Excludes Cancer & COVIDAfter rumors that Florida’s governor was being held for ransom while COVID hospitalizations &...
There Is No Gravity
The Earth Really Does Suck!And we made it that way! Whoopee for us!
At Last @DoctorFaustroll Is Permanently Banned From Twitter
That’s One More Thing He Can Scratch Off His Fuck It ListCan new appeal to the Benevolent Order of Twits be far behind?
Candace Owens Calls Turdwaffle Too Old To Talk With
Thinks He’s Been Brainwashed By Liberal VaxxersCandace Owens was apparently as surprised as any far-right anti-vaxxer nutjob would be when former twice-impeached...
Brandon Files Class Action Suit Against Fox News Alleging Harassment
Why Not Chant Let’s Go Tucker, Fuckers?Brandon has a point.
Contents Of Time Capsule Removed From Robert E. Lee Statue Pedestal Revealed
Water Damaged Artifacts Include MAGA Cap, Copy Of Art Of The Deal, & Confederate FlagUntil the monstrous statue of the American Nazi Party’s favorite...
Turdwaffle Determined To Prove Democracy Is Just A Game
He Knows More About The Rule Of Lawyers Than AnyoneIs there anyone who still thinks the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator wasn’t only...
Ghislaine Maxwell Asks Court To Be Called 'Madam Epstein' Instead Of 'Defendant'
Petitions Judge To Refer To Her As Madam Epstein In Jury Instructions To Prevent Prejudicing Their Opinion Against HerJudge says “Sure, Anything else...
I Never Once Suspected I Might Know More Than Denzel Washington
But Even I Know Who Damson Idris IsHe’s some guy Denzel had never heard of. Am I right?
Lorena Boebert Threatens To Shoot Self If Libs Don't Stop Bullying Her
You Won’t Catch Me Whining When I Don’t Get My WayIt’s not the first time Rep. Lorena Boebert (R-Word, CO) has heaped scorn upon herself for being her...
Nimrod Files Class Action Suit To Void Social Media Posts From Evidence
They’re Coming To Take Away My First Amendment Rights!Durwood Mildude Dampfass was sentenced to three months in jail after pleading guilty “to crimes...
God Apologizes For Kentucky Tornadoes
I Was Just Trying To Send Mitch A Message Liberal Diety ExplainsGod told listeners on WHOP this morning that “things got a little out of hand” when He...
'The President Was In Danger Of Dying,' Medical Expert Says After Latest Revelations About Trump
So Much For ExpertsCan we not hear anymore about Turdwaffle until the obit?
Kylie Rittenhouse Claims Crumbley Reward
Paladin Protective Services Tracks Down Bad Parents To Make America Great AgainAcquitted Kenosha Killer Kylie Rittenhouse’s Paladin Protective Services was...
How Omicron Is Pronounced
It’s Easy When You See It Abbreviated On TwitterThat’s right.
OMG! OMC is here!
America Must Better Prepare For More Mass Shootings
What Else Can We Do? When things ain’t broke, you can’t fix them. That’s the American Way! If it ain’t in the Constituion, it damn well should be. Among...
NRA Lobbies Congress To Give Bullets Right Of Way
LaPierre Calls Proposed Legislation Common Sense“I don’t know about you,” one of America’s favorite untouchable leaders told a gathering of slobbering...
There's Good News Tonight
Wisconsin Gave Us Joe McCarthy & Kylie Rittenhouse’s Acquittal…while a nearly all-white jury in southern Georgia chose to believe their eyes & ears and...
Biden Pardons Donald & Donald Junior In First Presidential Turkey Pardon
Big Birds Shit On Hand That Freed ThemIn a move certain to infuriate Mr. Pillow Mike Lindell & the former twice-impeached unidicted co-conspirator, President...
Did Jake Gyllenhaal Auction One Inch Squares Of Taylor's Red Scarf On E-Bay?
Disquieting Minds Demand To KnowOh, the humanity!
Judge Says 2nd Amendment Trumps Any Law Against The Rights Of Guns To Own America
Judge Claims Roland Freisler Speaks To Him In DreamsIn his latest effort to ensure Kylie Rittenhouse gets away with murder, alleged son of repatriated...
Woke Crowd Calls Rittenhouse A Big Crybaby
Rittenhouse Fires Back With AR15 Previously Owned By Charlton HestonTeen white supremacist hero Kylie Rittenhouse took the stand Wednesday in his own...
Trump To Pardon Youngkin's Son When Reinstated
Teen Tried To Vote Twice For McAuliffe“The Democrats probably put him up to it,” former unindicted co-conspirator & subject of numerous federal & state...
Promoting Racist Family Values Still A Winning Repugnicunt Strategy
Playing All Trumps Or No Trumps Is Still A Bridge To NowhereAmerica is never going improve to the level of the lowest EU country until saying “Well,...
Ashli Boebert's Family May Sue Lindsey Graham For Wrongful Death
More Fallout From The Amazon Washington Post January 6th ReportAfter months of former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle...
Somewhere In A Multiverse Too Close For Comfort
The Ruggles Have Released A New SingleIn a rare exclusive, the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat gained access to material...
Is There No One To Rid Us Of These Deplorable Judges?
You Say Potato & I Say He’s An AssholeIf you have to wonder how we ended up with so many Nazi lawyers on the bench, you haven’t been paying attention...
How To See Uranus Alongside Hunter Biden's Moon In The Night Sky This Week
You Might Spot Some Exciting Stars As WellThe bright light of Hunter Biden’s moon will lead the way to Uranus in the early morning prostate runs this...
Turdwaffle Launches Socialist Media Scam
“You Can’t Handle The Truth About Socialism” Site Hacked On First DayAs former twice-impeached unidicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle scrambles...
143 Fully Vaccinated Oregon Residents who Received Pfizer Vaccine Have Died Of COVID-19
Most Died In Portland From Gunshot WoundsThe Oregon Health Authority now recommends that most fully vaccinated Oregonians hunker down in their subterranean panic...
Turdwaffle Tell Supporters Not To Vote Until He Is Reinstated
Complains That Rich Fucks Won’t Shoot Him Into Space For FreeContinuing his Keep Making America Great Again Again campaign to regain access to executive...
Marjoe Faylor Greene Celebrates #ColombiaDay
Druglords Drag Georgia Lawmaker On TwitterAmerica’s favorite distaff dumbfuck lawbreaker from Georgia tried to downplay the significance of Joe Biden...
Mike Lindell Claims 850 Year Old Democrat Voted
More Than 3 Million Democrats Over 150 Years Old Also VotedEveryone’s favorite used pillow salesman, Mike Lindell today revealed that his crack team...
Rittenhouse Lawyers Argue He Had Assault Weapon Because He Was Hunting
Irony Declared Officially Dead
My Pillow Guy Continues His Epic Quest
Mike Lindell Knocking On Doors To Uncover Dead Democrat VotersIf after the first thousand times you don’t succeed, My Pillow CEO & Donald J. Turdwaffle’s...
Chief Stumbling Block On Budget Negotiations Is NIH
Study Into Exceptional American Stupidity In JeopardyVowing to block any solution to the nation’s intractable problems that endangers America's fixed...
Omarosa: It’s Time for Trump to Come Clean About His Health
Ain’t No Jive-Ass Cracker NDA Gonna Keep This Uppity Mouth ShutFresh off an arbitrator’s ruling that former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator...
Petito Family Sued For Failure To Pay Licensing Fees
“Let It Be” Tattoos Designed By Gabby Violate Copyright Protection When four members of slain Instagram influencer Gabby Petito’s family got matching...
Trump Blasts Arizona Audit Results
“Where Did They Get These Guys?” Former Guy Asks Rally CrowdAmerica’s favorite twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle cried foul...
NRA Disputes Report That Found Not Owning A Gun Reduces Risk Of Accidental Shooting
Blames Antifa Victim-Culture For Anti-Gun Messaging“Guns don’t kill people, bullets kill people,” according to the latest pro-death advertising from...
Laurena Boebert Mocked For Another Dumb Constitution Tweet
Colorado Lawmaker Confuses 10 Commandments With Bill Of RightsNever the brightest bulb in the toilet bowl nightlight, freshman lawmaker Laurena Boebert...
Biden Says He Who Dies With The Most Toys No Longer Wins
Calls Former Guy A Fucking AssholeAs a new poll of unlikely voters shows President Biden’s approval raitings plunging among those uneducated independent...
Countdown To 700 Thousand
Houston We Have A Big Fucking Problem Here
#IToldYouSo
Top 1% Slam Proposed Biden Tax Hikes
“Whatever Happened To Our Democracy?” Rhetoricians Wonder AloudPresident Biden on Thursday proposed a modest adjustment to the massive tax breaks former...
Scientists Find Another Planet With All The Ingredients For Life
“All That’s Lacking Is A Little American Stupidity,” Say ResearchersProving that the age of American exceptionalism truly has passed, if it ever truly...
Top General Sought Chinese Help To Get Turdwaffle Banned On Twitter
“We Gave Him Fake Nuclear Codes,” Anonymous Source RevealsIn the days following twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle’s soiling...
Al Qaeda Leader, Believed Dead, Appears In Video At Evander Holyfield Fight
Turdwaffle & Son Unaware Of Allegedly deceased Terrorists Laughing Three Rows Behind ThemOsama bin Laden made a rare appearance at the Seminole Hard...
Turdwaffle Blasts Biden For Letting Taliban Have More Weapons Than New York Repugnicunts
Taliban Nows Outgun Americans 27 To 1Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and failed insurrectionist Donald J. Turdwaffle dropped by Greg...
Texas Gov. Bud Abbott Says Abortion Bill Will Force Rapists To Move Back To Mexico
Six Weeks Is Plenty Of Time To Get Your Tubes TiedDespite facing worldwide derision for signing one of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the...
Women Begin Texas Exodus
“Fuck Those Guys” Says #MeToo SchneiderFemale Americans in the Lone Star state have wasted no time responding to Turdwaffle’s Nazi-packed Supreme Court...
Antifa Admits COVID Is On Their Side
“Very Fine People On The Wrong Side Of History Are Finally Getting Theirs,” Queen Antifa SmilesIt has apparently come to the attention of the GOP that...
Laurena Boebert's Gas Problem
Nazi Lawbreaker Concealed Fragrant Conflict Of InterestColorado congressturd Boebert’s husband has been selling her farts as renewable energy, a fact...
Actually They Signed Up To Be Buttfucked By The GOP
Donald Jr. Pulls Up His Huggies & Gets Real Mean Girl
Incel Journalist Blugeoned With Dildo In Portland
Someone’s Got To NgoFreelance Nazi provocateur, Andy Ngo was briefly stunned yesterday when Queen Antifa snuck up behind him in a pussy-hat & wapped...
Feckless Cunts Are Still Running The World
Jarvis Cocker Was RightAnd the colored girls go: "Doo do doo do doo do do doo..."
And #TheDeadBeats go on.
Taliban To Use Vietnam As Model For New Afghanistan
“To The Victor Go The Spoils” Rafshan Hashemi bin Khesi Tells Press CorpsesIn a continuation of the charm offensive that has won over 85% of the Afghani...
H.R. McMaster Baits Liberal Media With Moderate Canine Yodeling
Urges Marines Change Motto To “Semper Fido”“An ounce of invective is worth more than pounding sand up your own ass at the behest of some bush league...
Taliban Credit Trump & Pompeo For Crucial Intelligence
“We Couldn’t Have Done It Without Them” Says Beulah OmarHaving soundly defeated Russia & the United States in back to back knockouts of reigning superpowers,...
World Ends Suddenly
Season Ticket Holders Demand Full Refunds In Class-Action SuitDon’t worry, average . Mexico & other poor countries will pay for it, just as they always...
Cuomo Gives Two Week's Notice
Joining Trump 2024 Campaign As Sensitivity CzarGovernor Andrew Cuomo gave New Yorkers his two-week notice today, saying he’s been offered a “challenging...
I Remember That Movie
Didn’t They Say This Could Never Happen?I’ve never been one not to tell you how many times I’ve told you so. So let me just say once again: I told you...
William Tecumseh Sherman Variant Marches Through South
DeSantis Threatens To Deport Hospitalized Patients Back To “Their State Of Origin”Florida Governor Ron “The Con” DeSantis has recently come under attack...
Laurena Boebert Ain't Got No Daddy!
Sarah Palin’s Mini Me Has Daddy IssuesSome things you just can’t make up. Read all about it!
"Give Us Liberty or Give Us Death!" Shout MAGA Anti-Maskers
“Just Hold That Thought,” Delta Variant RepliesHere’s hoping the Democrats won’t waste this golden opportunity to level the playing field in our nation...
Repugnicunts Blame Capitol Cops For 1/6 Riots
“They Started It!” Say Die-Hard NazisFollowing the first day of the House investigation into the January 6th Turdwaffle Insurrection, GOP leaders & their...
Turdwaffle Blasts Biden For Ruining His Beautiful Vaccines
“People Listen To Me,” Bloviating Bombast BellowsContinuing the rant he began at the recent “Rally To Protect Our Elections” in Phoenix, former twice-impeached...
We Don't Have A Pandemic Of The Unvaccinated
We Have A Pandemic Of Terminal Dumb AssesForgive me for typing the actual message you thought I was only thinking and posting it to the Ted Stevens Memorial...
Testes Testes
My Kingdom For An Internet ConnectionIf you think my testes are bad, you should taste one of my quizzies, no?
Trump To Sue Putin For NDA Violation
“I Thought We Had A Deal!” Turdwaffle Shouts At Passing CarsCiting the agreement they signed behind closed doors at Helsinki in 2018, twice-impeached former...
Repugnicunts Seek To Outlaw Maskturbation
“You Can Hum But You Can’t Hide!” Shout Nazi Pigfuckers From HeavenOnce again, the GOP has chosen to mishear what is being said by actual people who...
Dems Bug Out Of Texas
Remembering The AlamoCalling the late Arthur Lee’s “You Set The Scene” the “most meaningful description of life in Texas since the Repugnicunts took...
Holden Cawthorn Is Latest Helms On Wheels
“They’re Coming To Take Our Deuteronomy, Mama!”North Carolina Representative Ashley Madison Cawthorn held forth with a group of Tik Tok Teens at the...
Things They Don't Teach You Or Teach You Not To Do
Always Put Incriminating Things In WritingThe key thing to remember as you navigate the mysteries of American family values & our supply side plantation...
Cuomo Calls 2nd Amendment A Fucking Disaster
Executive Order Stops Short Of Adding NRA To Terror Watch List“Enough is enough!” says beleaguered Democrat governor under attack from Proud Boys, Nazis,...
Afghanistan Beats Another World Superpower
“Kudos to the Afghani people,” Says The It’s About Times Picayune“Bring it on!” says Taliban spokesinmate. “We always beat the best you got, cholo.”
Tour de France Fugitive Granted Asylum At Mar A Lago
Woman Blames Democrat Grandma & Grandpa For Making Her Do itKaren “Tim” O’Leary, the female spectator believed responsible for Saturday’s horrific crash...
I Don't Want To Take Too Much Credit
But I Arrived In Portland On August 9, 1981When I finished packing the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat (along with Lucy...
Flash Floods Hammer Portland During Record Heat Wave
Proud Boys Blame Rising Water On Sudden Collapse Of Liberal Snowflake Ice Shelf Near Powell’s BooksAs the death toll continues to rise in the Pacific...
I Got Vaccinated & Wear A Mask
Are You So Happy You Do Neither?Well, good for you. I’m sure you are well-insured & have your entire life planned as efficiently as the one you’ve been...
Turdwaffle Declares Himself Winner In NYC Dem Primary
QAnon Write-In Campaign Beats All Antifa Candidates“This is my first step to becoming Speaker of the House in 2023,” America’s favorite Killer Klown...
QAnon Shaman Rioted For The Sins Of All Americans, Says Lawyer
Americans Should Reward His Selfless SacrificeRecent polling of average Americans asking if they support giving the QAnon shaman a Medal of Freedom indicates...
Calamari Harassed by Squiddies
Former Turdwaffle Bodyguard Netted In Vance Investigation? When it comes to the Trump family, the first question should always be: “How many ways do...
Gays Not Covered By Florida Anti-Protestor Law
Desantis Clarifies Rule Of LawWhen quintessential #FloridaMan & Governor McRonald DeSantis signed HB 1 into law on April 19th of this year, he probably...
When Will Mr. Pillow Produce Wuhan Lab Evidence?
Right Wing Fact Creator Calls For Investigation“There’s no way this coronavirus hoax jumped from bats to hunans,” Mike Lindell told Jordan Klepper in...
CNN Claims "The Republican Party's Mission: Whitewash The Trump Presidency"
As If It Wasn’t Already White EnoughYou can read all about it on CNN Politics.
Apologist Agrees To Apologize To Critic Of Previous Apology
Disagrees They Agreed To DisagreeAccording to sources close to the situation, she is keenly “disappointed in myself. Consequently, I will be taking some...
Most Overlooked Stories of 2020
Nazi Voted Out Of White House Tops Pataphysical ListThe Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Landromat is proudly tripping over its schwantz...
Slavitt Suggests Trump As Bad As Reagan
Former Biden Aide Cites COVID FailuresDuring an interview with “Faceplanting the Nation” this morning, Uncle Sleepy Joe Biden’s former senior adviser...
Second Coming Drowns Thousands In Red States
Jesus Comes Out As LGBTQApologizing for His delay in coming back to gather up the faithful as many widely believe He promised 2021 years ago, the Son...
So Nearman Is So Far Away
Shalalala shalalaOregon legislature breaks a boot off in Mikey “He Thinks We’ll Eat Anything” Nearman’s ass for conspiring to let right wing nutjobs...
Ilhan Omar Condemned For Stating The Obvious
Suspected Terrorist Representative Refuses To ApologizeAmericans demand retribution after uppity Muslim states the obvious, which Nazis like to call...
Mitch McManchin Protects Plantation Economy
Old White Senator Mishears LyricsAccording to Vito Bomboni, a fugitive YU News Service journalist who helped copy edit Senator Manchin’s op ed explaining...
They Can Run...
But They Can’t HydeThe Georgia Republican Party is meeting on Jekyll Island this weekend to censure Repugnicunt Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger,...
Dr. Faustroll Declares Trump Blog "Freeze-Dried Santorum"
Another Great Imaginary Solution To A Uniquely Imaginary American ProblemOne-term twice-impeached Andrew Jackson impersonator, Dandy Don Turdwaffle recently...
King Ubu Jr. Mobilizes Olympic Denial Team
Dr. Phillip Pihl-Hill
Consulting Enabler
Pataphysical Medical Syndrome
01051720040704747PST04WAH4OSHIT
WASHINGTON (PMS) – To help the public...
Former President Turdwaffle Shutters Blog
Blames Melania For Mixed Messaging
Sources close to the former twice-impeached first idiot & Mikey “He’ll Eat Anything” Cohen’s unindicted co-conspirator...
Pro-Pot Laws Blamed For Canine Slaughter
Turns Out You Can’t Teach A Dog New TricksThe same people who like to say: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” are also the kinds of moderates who caution...
@DoctorFaustroll Twitter Motherfucker Loves You This You Know
Ted Stevens’ System Of Interweb Tubes To Nowhere Tells You So
I Should Have Been An Insurrectionist
I’d Still Be On TwitterYou asked
,so I answered
Is this what qualifies as a doozy in these Twit-filled end times?
She's Killing Me Softly
I Wish Zappa Had Her In One Of His BandsSerendipity is often surreptitious in the way it justifies the cod’s way to man. As everyone knows: If you give...
Bad Guys With Guns Officially Declared Pandemic
CDC & DHS To Conduct Root Cause AnalysisAfter unnamed sources released a report suggesting that the excess deaths over the background body count indicates...
Speaking Of Feckless Cunts
The Appeal Goes OnWhat can I say? I’m just living the dream I embarked on in the third grade when Mrs. Criscola asked me what I wanted to be when I grew...
Marco Polo Has Been Replaced
By "Feckless Cunt” In New Kancel Kulchur Kid GameBy now, everyone who matters on planet Earth is aware that I have been temporarily suspended from Twitter...
Damn, Jack. How Much You Spending To Monitor My Blog?
Why Not Use Auto-Reply?As my @DoctorFaustroll temporary suspension approaches its turd month anniversary, the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic,...
As If Covid Was Not Enough
You Ready For Flying Salt Shakers Of Death?
Have you eaten your daily allotment of cicadas & gotten your daily recommended amount of insect-based...
How To Ensure Everyone Stands For The Pledge Of Allegiance
Let’s Just Change It From “The Star-Spangled Banana” To “Dick Around”Sure, our current anthem is based on an old English drinking song, but it no longer...
Countdown To 700 Thousand, Day 1!
The Coronavirus Hoax Goes On!A regular feature of my suspended Twitter feed was regular updates to the Totally Preventable Body Count that you should...
Hey, Hey, NRA!
ARE YOU HAVING A BAD FUCKING DAY?Are the courts trying to pry back the rule of law from the rule of lawyers?
Judge Harlan Hale, a Dubya Bush appointee,...
Happy 2nd Month Suspension Anniversary to Doctor Faustroll!
I Can’t Remember If Concrete Boots Is The Proper GiftOr Concrete Blonde.
Getting ready to file a new appeal in case my personal Twitter intern...
#AmericaFirst Again With Guinnesss Book of World Records
“Gun Culture” Climbs To Top Of Greatest Oxymorons ListThe panel offered no explanation for why “American Democracy” has been replaced by a favorite NRA...
CDC Advises Against Playing Jackpot Lottery Games
Bloodclot Victims Were All Lottery Winners
Following a ten-day pause in administering the Johnson & Johnson COVID vaccine, the United States Centers...
We're Still Stupid & Contagious
Here We Are Now, Kurt Cobain Us!It’s been a month & a half now since Twitter allegedly temporarily suspended my account for non-payment of sufficient...
Poor Dickhead's Almanac
Why God Didn’t Give Assholes Eyes?Hindsight is only 20/20 when you are short on foresight.
Free the PPOCLL HQ 666!
We Were Just KiddingIsn’t an insincere apology enough to pacify these #SupplySide #PlantationEconomy nimrods anymore? They already own 99% of existence.
It’s...
#YouToldMeSo
But #IToldYouSo FirstIf I wasn’t already on the 5th week of a temporary Twitter suspension that normally lasts 7 days, I might be posting this #ExistentialTrickQuestion...
I Is Heavy Bored
How Do The Cantos Match Up Against The Dream Songs?& equally important: Who the fuck cares?
I’m betting not John Berryman.
Matt Gaetz Stands For All Brave Pedophiles
Even better, he’s betting there are millions of Americans just like him "who feel forgotten, canceled, ignored, marginalized and targeted."
Thank...
The Triumph Of Nancy Reagan Is Trending On Twitter
Hell Angles On The Gypsy JokersIn what some are hailing as the Devil getting her due, Old Rummy Reagan’s main squeeze is revealed to be a motorcycle...
It's My Twitter Suspension Anniversary!
These temporary suspensions have a way of hanging around like a bad case of drug-resistant clap. Today marks one month since I wadded the knickers up...
Yeast Is Risen!
Was It Something I Yeats’d?I see the former douché has stirred from his bunker to proclaim that all good #Repugnicunts should cum to the AIDS of their...
Damn!
Why Have I Never Seen This Video Before?I’ve just been listening to Tuvan throat singers again, & I never expected to find that sound in a nirvana track,...
Who's The April Fool Now?
I Still Get Notifications From Twitter #Resisters Despite My SuspensionI don’t know if there is a sympathetic intern forwarding me information for a...
April Is Free Cruller Month!
Get Yours At Drunken Doughnutz!
Who did you say, #TheDeadBeats?
Major Biden Admits He Is #Antifa
Presidential Pup Apprehended With MAGA Supporter In His TeethCongressional Republicans are calling for an investigation into recent attacks by Major...
Before The Trump Abomination
Obamination: The Jig Is UpOriginally published by drfaustroll under Invective, Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Poopadoodle, Sedition February 21, 2009
Our...
Frog legs with iguana and fresh herbs
How To Eat Alt WhiteOriginally published by drfaustroll under Pataphysics, Phood, phoolishness, and phrivolity February 22, 2009
It has been brought...
Chauvinists Defend Chauvin
“He Was Only Taking A Knee!"Fresh from her recent stint as High Priestess Of All The Former Guy's Dominion, fugitive lawyer Sydney Powell weighed in...
Trump Blasts Biden For Press Conference Lie
"He’s Not That Old!" Dotard Shouts From ExileLoudspeakers at Mar A Lago blared former guy Donald Trump’s displeasure at Joe Biden’s first press conference...
Help Me Shape Twitter's Future
Shining ThroughPerhaps my time in Twitter exile is about to run out. It has been 15 days since my feckless cunt suspension began, but Jack apparently...
Whither Has It fled The Visionary Gleam?
Inquiring minds want to knowUnnamed sources in the wild on Twitter have suggested it was not the feckless cunt posting that had me omitted for being...
Doctor Faustroll Is Dead
He Died With His Chains OnHe was warned. He was given an explanation. Nevertheless, he resisted.
The first inkling...
Then things got weird...
I...
Daddy, Did You Go To The Insurrection?
American Family ValuesAfter years of marketing themselves as the party of American #FamilyValues, the GOP finds itself today trying to distance itself...
Whose Inauguration Should I Go To?
The #Impeached #Loser Won’t Go AwayI subscribe to many right-wing email lists to understand what the average American idiot is being exposed to every...
Alvie Bach
The #YageKushRebellionThe hashtag #FlySwattingParty is a snide tribute to Joseph Campbell, who once described pornography in a conversation as "advertising...
The Proof Is In The Putzpulling
Twitter ShadowbanningTwitter doesn’t just #Shadowban users, it also lies about its own search results.
Here are just a few #FlySwattingParty posts...
How Twitter Censors My Shit
Reality’s #FlySwattingPartyTry searching Twitter for #FlySwattingParty & see if you get different results.
I suspect Twitter is preventing this hashtag...
Music Is The Best
Please Mr. CusterWhen I was a kid, I loved novelty songs, the sillier the better. From “Purple People Eater” to “Ahab The Arab” to endless comedy compilations...
Twitter's War On Truth
Mutually Assured Distraction I began my latest Twitter suspension a couple of days ago. I no longer appeal these suspensions. I embrace them.
It’s...