Tuesday, June 13, 2023
Ten Million Invisible Proud Boys And Oath Keepers Join Protest Way Way Outside Miami Courthouse“What can I say?” the fat former failed führer fumed as he surveyed the mediocre crowd of several scant teaspoons of his most fervent followers, many wearing Confederate tee-shirts, while carrying Nazi flags...
Tuesday, January 31, 2023
Cites Previous Commitments To Assisting Pulitzer & Nobel Prize Screening Teams And Uncover work for MossadFormer heavy-medal (sic) rockstar and tumescent freshman congresspenis George DeSantos (R-Word, NY) informed House Speaker Kevin “Chucky's Cheese” McCarthy (R-Word, CA) by voicemail this morning...
Thursday, January 19, 2023
Supply Side Plantation Economy Demands More Low-Paid Workers To Fuel Never-Ending Growth In Fast Food & Ephemeral Services#TheTerribleSwiftianSword strikes deep into your creepy mind.
Sunday, January 15, 2023
Will It Also Include A Trump-Branded Golf Resort To Be Managed By Eric?Two more #ExistentialTrickQuestions no doubt protected by non-disclosure & non-compete agreements, because that’s the #TheAmericanWay in our supply-side plantation economy!
As someone once succinctly sang deep in a dark cave...
Friday, January 6, 2023
…That There’s A “Second Annual #AmericaFirst Reinstatement Day” Celebration Going On At Mar A Lago“January 6 will always live fondly in the infamous hearts of the #AmericaFirst Nazis and their moderate allies who almost Made America Great Again two years ago today,” said someone you probably live near,...
Tuesday, January 3, 2023
The Stupider An American Is The Less Likely It Is To Have Any Shame Because That’s #TheAmericanWay!If there is anyone here who does not recognize how fucking great it is to be debt free, I think they should go now because this post is not about that.
Thursday, December 29, 2022
Donald Trump Considers Naming Santos His 2024 Running Mate“All he has to do is change his name to Hymen DeSantos,” the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and epitome of #AmericanFamilyValues wrote on Truth Social, “and together Trump/DeSantos and all our great patriots will Make America...
Tuesday, December 20, 2022
Threatens Feckless Cunt With $300 Million Suit For Diminution Of Brand Value#TheTerribleSwiftianSword at #PundyRaunch
Thursday, December 8, 2022
If It Means We Can Finally 86 That Fucking Second Amendment#UncommonSense
Monday, December 5, 2022
You Can’t Blame Us For The #AmericanFamilyValues We Were Raised To Obey Shout Proud Anti-Woke AssholesFilm on Parler, hosted by Jon E. Hartley Gnu Ye...
Thursday, November 24, 2022
The Kanye Told Me So
And don’t get me started on that whole Chappellesasquidick fiasco...
#SantaCorpseIsCummingToTown
Tuesday, November 15, 2022
How Can We Ever Win If We Keep Letting The Majority Vote?Yet another #ExistentialTrickQuestion for the #AmericanFamilyValues crowd.
Wednesday, November 9, 2022
Damned Pussies Ruin It For Everyone Says One Limpdicked Nazi Motherfucker#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Monday, October 31, 2022
You Libtards Had Your Chance To Cheat And Blew It!Finally, left-wing America is about to get the comeuppance it has always deserved for not being white enough.
The GOP promises to finally clean up this antifa problem that continues to thwart complete consolidation of Old Rummy Reagan’s supply-side...
Monday, September 5, 2022
Shirley You’re Not Wanton To Be Surprised#PundyRaunch
Monday, August 29, 2022
Hawley and Graham Call On Supporters To Burn Down Majority Rule Once & For All#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Tuesday, August 23, 2022
It’s Been More Than Thirty Years Since I Consciously Chose To Write A PoemNot that my first forty years of writing something that others called poetry were widely appreciated for the great Fuck You that pataphysical poets have been offering this planet of miserable fucks since 1896.
Seriously.
Cave...
Monday, August 22, 2022
I Can Finally Get Back To Doing ScienceDr. Anthony “Two Thumbs Tony” Fauci is abandoning his responsibilities as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) and chief medical adviser to president of the walking dead Joe “Brandon” Biden before the end of the year, resisting...
Sunday, August 21, 2022
Spanky Took All The Good Stuff, Says Mother’s BoySaying it was good not having to answer questions about what it felt like to realize his boss had encouraged a mob of violent neo-Nazis to hang his pale ass from a gallows outside the Capitol, former Vice-Presidential GOP whipping boy Michael “He’ll...
Thursday, August 18, 2022
He’ll Also Put Louie Gohmert In Charge of DOJ“We have the best people to put America First,” the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & first American president ever to attempt a failed coup to install a Nazi theocracy, Donaldo Grabito Pussolini last night told his uneducated athletic supporters...
Sunday, August 14, 2022
Since When Does Reading Matter In Our Nation Of Miserable Fucks?It’s not like any of our esteemed American Christian Nationalists have ever read the New Testament with comprehension.
Thursday, August 11, 2022
We Can Afford To Lose The 100% Of The 5% Who Don’t Have ImmunityDo you realize how relieved I will be when all these anti-vaxxers are dead?
No?
Are you a fucking idiot?
#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Tuesday, August 9, 2022
Rainwater Is Now Unsafe To Drink Anywhere On The PlanetThis comes hard on the heels of Bill McGuire’s Hothouse Earth which suggests most climatologists “lack the tanned testicles it takes to admit we are so beyond fucked at this point that we might as well embrace our dinosaurian forebears.”
On...
Saturday, August 6, 2022
Did I Really Nazi It Coming? You Can Say That Again!Does that mean you won’t mind when I type “Know-Nothing Christian Nationalist Notional Notionate Nation Of Miserable Fucks Knocks Knowledgeable Nabobs Of Negativism As Planet Self-Destructs?”
You’re welcome.
#ExistentialTrickQuestions from #P...
Saturday, July 30, 2022
We Never Had These Problems Before These Over-Educated Shitheads Started Yapping, Say Uneducated voters#AmericanFamilyValues can always find a way to light a fart that will break your heart.
Have a nice day.
😜
Monday, July 25, 2022
Fucking Weather: Everybody Talks About It While Demanding We Make It Worse By Having Cheaper Gas At The Pump
Because that’s #TheAmericanWay!
Friday, July 15, 2022
Fuck Senator Joe Manchin (Wannabe R-Word, Wet Vagina)It’s time to fire the dumb fuck supply-side plantation owner and planetary climate saboteur from Wet Vagina, a state with fewer than 2 million uneducated residents, who keeps acting like former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator, single most...
Monday, July 11, 2022
…Why Do We Need To Make Voting Easy For The Kind Of People Who Just Refuse To Get The Message?Another vintage #ExistentialTrickQuestion to ponder as you stifle a fart at the loan officer’s desk.
Sunday, July 10, 2022
Expect Big Things When We Take Back Everything Come November, Donnie Douchebag Tells Lamestream Alaskan IdiotsFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & kid voted most likely to secede while still in elementary boarding school, Donald Grabito Pussolini told a thong-baring throng of very fine...
Friday, July 8, 2022
Catsup Was Invented At A Wuhan Wet Market To Celebrate Nixon’s Visit To ChinaIt’s amazing how few people realize that a condiment originally consisting almost entirely of fermented anchovies has come to symbolize American greatness by dominating the fast food and ephemeral services sectors our supply-side...
Thursday, July 7, 2022
These Feckless Repugnicunts Never Cease To Please Their Constituents Who Pray Only To Vengeful GodsAs our nation of miserable fucks continues to struggle to come up with a solution to suicide-by-cheap projectile-based violence that doesn’t do harm the bottom line of the gun and ammunition manufacturers...
Sunday, July 3, 2022
Why Use our Remaining Eight Years Wisely?An #ExistentialTrickQuestion for America’s proudest uneducated.
Go for it, Ron. Go for it.
Tuesday, June 28, 2022
Is There Really A Better Pickup Line Than……Hey! Didn’t I meet you on the This Person Does Not Exist section at He’s Not Here?
Friday, June 24, 2022
Bitches Be Getting What They Deserve, Says Stephen MillerSpeaking on condition of anonymity, one of several thousand former coffee boys for former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Hitler’s love child by Nancy Reagan Donaldo Grabito Pussolini, Stephen Miller joined a jubilant thong of #PundyRaunch...
Sunday, June 19, 2022
Just asking…I had almost forgotten how wonderful her voice was, or that her humor is so optimistic it hurts.
Saturday, June 18, 2022
There’s Nothing To Beat Feeding A Farting Wombat
Thursday, June 16, 2022
If You Study Hard Enough You Will Eventually #BeBestThis was an actually title in an e-mail from people who claim to know something about their own fucking language.
I’ve been trying to manifest all morning and the best I’ve managed is a couple of long moist farts that scared the cats.
Sometimes...
Friday, June 10, 2022
I Never Trusted Those TwoFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and ambulatory portapotty Grabito Pussolini wasted no time responding to Thursday’s televised hearing on his failed January 6, 2021 insurrection, an event he termed the “most historic movement in human history.”
In a Truth...
Sunday, June 5, 2022
Massacres Are Now Easier To Predict Than HurricanesRepugnicunts vehemently oppose funding the effort, saying that if God meant for Americans to be carefree and happy, He wouldn’t have written the second amendment.
Thursday, June 2, 2022
“We Can’t Leave Decisions On Something As Fundamental To Christianity As The Sanctity Of The Second Amendment To These Uppity Deep State Bastards'’ Says Anonymous NRA Donor Covered In Sticky Viscous SubstanceAs mankind stumbles into its final decade on this despoiled dying planet & everyone spends...
Monday, May 30, 2022
Gun Culture#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Friday, May 27, 2022
I Have A Solution Like You Wouldn’t BelieveFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and one of the most self-important people in the MAGA multiverse since Pepe the Frog was apprehended during a televised act of coitus with Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC), Grabito Pussolini,...
Tuesday, May 24, 2022
Not The Greatest Recording, But One Fucking Great Arrangement
Monday, May 23, 2022
Something Up To now That You’ve Been Scared To SayI accuse Greg James at BBC Radio 1 of ripping off Frank Zappa’s “Little House I Used To Live In” for the jingle. this short motif first appeared on Burnt Weenie Sandwich and Frank went back to it numerous times on various albums, leading me to suspect...
Wednesday, May 18, 2022
It’s The Perfect Site For A World Class Golf Resort Called Trump International Doral MariupolFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and self-declared leader of the Russian-backed MAGA Uneducated People’s Republic of South Florida, Dimwit Donald J. Grabito Pussolini, reportedly has secured...
Saturday, May 14, 2022
My Yeats Infection Just Keeps On Giving#SoItGoes
Thursday, May 12, 2022
It’s Official! The Race To Extinction Is about to kick into high gear!As it turns out with most shit God has given us the freedom to endure, humans are not built for marathons, so a sprint to the finish it is!
Thursday, May 5, 2022
What’s Wrong With Grabbing Pussy? Former Führer FumesStopping short of rescinding his complete and total endorsement of Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC), former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini called for the Justice Department to prosecute whoever...
Tuesday, May 3, 2022
Besides My Not Being There, Of CourseSeeing the future is easy for humans.
Or at least it should be.
In some places on this planet, you do not even need a shovel to travel back tens of million of years into the past.
Tens of millions years.
Meanwhile, in Florida, school children cannot...
Friday, April 29, 2022
#DoTheMathThey’ll have to give up 90% the pie to be equal to the rest of us…
Thursday, April 28, 2022
The First, Fourth, & Fourteenth Have Got To GoRep. Marjorine Mailer Gringo (R-Word, GA) announced this morning that she is introducing a bill to abolish every law, regulation, or statute used by liberals to make conservatives and moderates look bad.
Greene’s bill would eliminate Section 230, which...
Monday, April 25, 2022
That’s One Of The Headlines On Today’s National Geographic E-MailWhat milestone they’re talking about I don’t know.
We’ve already passed 1 million dead on our way to the 4 million cadaver cosies I predicted we’d need because of American deceptionalism.
I told you so.
Here’s a screenshot from...
Sunday, April 24, 2022
At Least That’s The Vibe I Keep Getting From The CluelessWas I asleep at the switch when science finally proved once and for all that God was clearly required to create this shit show and keep it operating into infinity and beyond?
#ExistentialQuestions
Wednesday, April 20, 2022
It’s No Skin Off My AssNo pixels were altered in the posting of this screen grab from the Google News Top Stories page this morning.
I wouldn’t want to be Uranus today. I have no idea how Uranus feels about it.
#PundyRaunch
#JuvenalLives!
#TheTerribleSwiftianSword
Tuesday, April 19, 2022
We’re Right! We’re White! We’re America & We’re All Celebrating!Crayleigh Maganinny, former stunt press secretary for former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and two hands looking to charge themselves with random pussy, Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini, had the conservative version of an orgasm...
Monday, April 18, 2022
‘The Bitch Is Lying’ Responds Trump Ally, adding ‘Accusation Is Libelous Fake News’State Sen. Julie Hyde-Slamajama (R-Word, NB) accused Donald Trump-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Charles “Smokin’”Herbster (R-Word, NB) of “putting his hand up my dress and trying to grab my pussy” at a $5,000 a plate...
Saturday, April 16, 2022
Cache Of Exotic Sex Toys From Reign Of Louis XIV Thrills Ecclesiastical CollectorsPaleoarcheologists say they will soon open a penis-shaped sarcophagus discovered beneath the floor at the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.
Before the embers had fully died in the wake of the apocalyptic inferno that...
Sunday, April 10, 2022
No One Is Sure If Clock Was Designed ProperlyThe world continues to hold its breath as scientists assess the probability of complete and total extinction of homo stupidios now that the Doomsday Clock has broken and the last clockmaker trained to maintain it was recently killed in a Russian rocket attack...
Friday, April 8, 2022
So There’s No “I” In Team And You Still Insist I Need To Join One? Me and Bansky are doing just fine. Fuck all ya’ll.
Come back when you can spend more time reflecting on how meaningless your life is.
God taught me that.
Wednesday, April 6, 2022
Why Am I Still Having To Pay Off Hookers? I Should Have My Own Fucking ChannelFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and the guy who often blamed Rudy Guliani for his farts, Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini is now threatening to move his official press release site to Pornhub.com.
The fake...
Saturday, April 2, 2022
Hopes To Join Cawthorn, Boebert, Greene To Bolster Truth SquadClaiming that the pandemic hoax coupled with the “leftist antifa activists constant badgering of the greatest president this country has ever elected twice and seems ready to elect a third time in 2024” proves liberals have “ruined this...
Tuesday, March 29, 2022
Chemist Finds Everything From British Aluminium Coated Microplastics To The Rarely observed And highly secretive Ununennium“Frankly,” said Dr. Eaton Bieber, “we were surprised not to find more substances.
“Most Americans exist in a toxic stew of chemical contaminants, from the air we breathe to...
Saturday, March 26, 2022
Buckingham Palace Reportedly Reevaluating Official Position On Harry And MeghanThings continue to go south for the British monarchy, what with the Queen mum’s recent dustup with one of the COVID variants and the latest faux pas tour by Kate and William.
Markets are closed for the weekend, but...
Wednesday, March 23, 2022
We’re Regrouping To Make America Greater Than EverFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and the GOP’s current incarnation of Jesus Christ, Grabito Pussolini’s disgraced campaign manager Paul “The Saint” Manafort was apprehended in Miami this morning on a flight to Dubai to meet with the...
Thursday, March 17, 2022
Perhaps We Should Have Mentioned This Earlier“We told you so, decades ago,” Dr. Maya Boutriques told an emergency meeting of blind-sided journalists who were stunned to discover the unpredictable weather realities they’ve been reporting on as unusual or aberrant for more than half a century were, in...
Thursday, March 17, 2022
Insists He Promised Former US President He Would Give Him Info In Exchange For Annexing Ukraine“Is what we agreed to at Helsinki,” Russian strongman told an ONAN reporter calling from Mar-a-Lago this morning. No other details were available at press time on “Publish.”
Monday, March 14, 2022
Antifa Informant Uncovers Mar-a-Lago Money Laundering SchemePalm Beach County law enforcement said they found more than $1.5 billion dollars in illegal campaign contributions on the back nine at the Doral Golf Resort , thanks to a few good UPS employees who recently survived COVID and had miraculously...
Monday, March 14, 2022
Disquieting Minds Want To KnowI heard a rumor…
If I could only remember my password…
Wednesday, March 9, 2022
There Isn’t Anything You Can Do That I Won’t MockThere are very few truths in the universe, but one I will vouch for until the bomb burns my thankless ass away is that no matter how you do it I will pun and they will remain dumb all over.
Saturday, March 5, 2022
What Is It With Tarheels And All These Helms On Wheels Creeps?Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) got a big pass from Judge Richard “Teen Einsey Dick” Myers, a Turdwaffle appointee, who said the 14th Amendment was never intended to keep wheelchair-bound Nazis from running for or holding...
Thursday, March 3, 2022
The Legion Of Dimwits Strikes AgainThe State of the Union is Frist-fucked for Baby Jeebus!
Monday, February 28, 2022
Has He Ever Met A War He Couldn’t cream His Jeans Over?I think my favorite Richard Engel angle was that time he was reporting from Syria about the refugee crisis and some woman collapsed from exhaustion at his feet, and Dick Engel stepped back so the camera crew could get them both in the shot.
Sunday, February 27, 2022
‘We Cut A Deal At Helsinki!'Threatening to nuke Mar-a-Lago unless former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & reincarnation of Confederate Loser Robert E. Lee, Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle commits the troops he promised at their 2018 Helsinki Summit, Russian Douchebag Vlad The Impudent expressed...
Saturday, February 26, 2022
Although It Is Unfortunate She Caused Russia To Invade UkraineOr have I gotten the #AltReich narrative wrong?
Friday, February 25, 2022
Your Job Is To Fill The Collection Plate To Keep Them HappyYou know what happens when they aren’t happy, don’t you?
#ExistentialTrickQuestions
A: Open your fucking eyes.
Wednesday, February 23, 2022
I Cut My Hair & Dyed It Brown To Blend In With The ThugsCapitol rioter Jenna Ryan served 60 days in prison after pleading guilty to being an insurrectionist asshole, and apparently has learned one very important lesson that is protected by an ironclad non-disclosure agreement.
“I had to close my...
Wednesday, February 23, 2022
The Guy’s A Genius Even Mike Pompeo Says SoFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & toxic superfund site, Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle today took time out from trying to log onto Truth, his new anti-socialist media platform, to call President Biden “a complete and total loser. You don’t have...
Saturday, February 19, 2022
Make Plans To Visit The Latest Addition To The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat’s Highly-Acclaimed Imaginary Food CourtGaslighters welcome!
Thursday, February 17, 2022
And He’s Not Happy About ItAfter a year of failed attempts to recapture the warm feeling of living in the White House, free from prosecution for even the most heinous of crimes, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & COVID super-spreader Donald J. Turdwaffle was finally reinstated on Tuesday...
Tuesday, February 15, 2022
We’ve Had Enough Of Big Lies That Don’t WorkWorried that the fate of the GOP hangs in the balance, Sen. Lindsey “Soda Cracker” Graham says that the former president needs to tone down his lies a little if he wants the 2024 presidential nomination, “which we all know is his for the taking. But this...
Tuesday, February 15, 2022
I Was Raised With American Family ValuesThat’s probably the key reason I spend a full 11 months in gestation. I did not want to be here. For decades, I tried without success not to be here.
It was obvious no good could come from such horse exhaust as makes up the foundation of our nation of miserable...
Monday, February 14, 2022
Denies Knowledge Of Rumored Trademark DisputeWearing a Team Davidson tee shirt at a Superbowl afterparty with her date, Kid Cudi, Julia Fox winked when asked if she was involved with any assholes, adding “Kanye, we hardly knew Ye.”
Saturday, February 12, 2022
Why I Pay All This Money Change My Name Ya’ll?Ye, the niggardly numbnut formerly known as Kanye of the West is threatening to sue Twitter following a smackdown by Kid Cudi for being a whiny ass little bitch.
Ye had disinvited Cudi from appearing on Donda 2 because Ye is a whiny ass littl bitch....
Saturday, February 12, 2022
We Didn’t Blow Up The Twin Towers, Capitalism DidNoted tort expert Rafshan Hashemi Ben-Khesi told outraged propagandists on Fox News today that the Biden administration will be hard-pressed “to justify stealing even more wealth from the Afghan people who had been forced by America’s proxy war to support...
Thursday, February 10, 2022
If Nominated I Will Be ElectedTaking a page from the playbook of former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & dildo expert witness, Donald J. Turdwaffle, radio czar Joe “Yes This Is My Own Head” Rogan has decided to run for president to prove that any asshole can get presidential immunity if...
Tuesday, February 8, 2022
Coming Colors In The Air Oh EverywhereIt’s nice to see he’s still kicking around…
Sunday, February 6, 2022
And There’s Not A Fucking Thing We Can Do About ItIsn’t that why Good Time Charlie’s got the blues?
Another #ExistentialTrickQuestion from Rev Darwin D. Grimm at The Church Of The Oven Of Peace, a leisure activity of The Portland Pataphsyical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat, a wholly owned...
Saturday, February 5, 2022
I Had Just Begun To Understand How Little I Know About Rocking Real Life In The Real WorldHow many times do you have to play before you lose? Will it be before that great beautiful pay wall goes up to keep out the rapists and MS-13?
Wordle 231 4/6
⬜🟩⬜🟨⬜
⬜🟩🟨⬜🟩
🟩🟩⬜🟨🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Friday, February 4, 2022
Antifa Ruled Out In Natural Eco-Terrorism CaseAfter ruling out early conjecture that the Army Of The Houseless Oregonians had raided the Lyon’s Ferry Hatchery in search of food, or the absence of even a single Black Lives Matter activist within 500 miles of the site, authorities had hoped to pin the...
Thursday, February 3, 2022
They Are Not Sending Their Best ButterfliesDueling protests over the weekend caused the National Butterfly Center to close indefinitely after receiving credible threats against the staff and several endangered insect species ahead of the “We Stand America” rally that featured several well-known insurrectionists,...
Monday, January 31, 2022
And Who The Fuck Cares?These are the kinds of questions Hamlet would be babbling about after a little too much weed, but seriously, what is Wordle? I decided to find out, so you won’t have to waste your time doing what I was put on this dying planet for!
Whether it is noble to continue working these...
Monday, January 31, 2022
Is My Face Red…Suddenly I contracted Viagra balls. Slowly I turned, step by step…
Saturday, January 29, 2022
Oh, You Know What It IsYou dumb prick…
Friday, January 28, 2022
If We Can’t Deny Service To Faggots Why Doesn’t Jesus revise The Bible?I got to hand it to these nimrods. They seem to understand how the rule of lawyers works in our Christian nation of miserable fucks. I expect another GoFundMe campaign any day now.
Wednesday, January 26, 2022
He Couldn’t Get Hard Until I Said I Was 15In yet another breaking story you’ll never see on Fox Gnus, Facebook, or anywhere in the inland lamestream media empire, these baseless allegations went totally innuendo and out the other.
Tuesday, January 25, 2022
Uninsured Guns Don’t Kill People; Antifas Kill People“Don’t these greaseballs have anything better do than try to take away the very things that make us great?” NRA Nimrod in Chief Wayne LaPierre asked a random Fox Gnus host after San Jose Sam Liccardo’s news conference Monday, where he championed...
Saturday, January 22, 2022
We’re Fucked If We’re Forced To Let Just Anyone Vote“I’m a strict constructionist,” Texas AG Kendall Paxton told Steve Bannon in a podcast interview, “& if I remember correctly, James Baker’s reading of the Constitution that gave us eight great years of our native son George Dubya Bush, said that although...
Thursday, January 20, 2022
Repugnicunts Offer Compromise Language On So-Called Heartbeat BillsAfter the Reagan Supreme Court three times allowed Texas’s ban on abortions after six weeks in recent decisions, Democrats have thus far resisted calls to arm themselves, rallying behind the cries for justice from women whose right...
Thursday, January 20, 2022
Didn’t Mean To Imply They Were As Valuable As Real Americans“The liberals in the fake media are putting words in my mouth again,” said the once & future senior obstructionist in the Senate, Mitch McConnell (R-Word, KY) when asked by an open-carrying 10-year-old member of the ONAN Christian Youth Corps...
Wednesday, January 19, 2022
This Will Be The Greatest Halftime Show Ever!But only if the entire family is in non-fungible stocks under the goal posts for the rest of the game.
Monday, January 17, 2022
At The Very Least, Barry Mehler Deserves A Medal Of FreedomI recall while still a graduate teaching assistant, telling my students I did not grade on a curve. If they completed all the assignments, they’d get an ‘A’. If they didn’t complete all the assignments, they’d get an ‘F.'
I gave "F’s" to...
Thursday, January 13, 2022
Pataphysicians Dare To AskHas anyone ever called you the N-Word? I assume that people must sound pretty stupid saying it. “You damn uppity N-Word,” doesn’t quite convey the nonchalant disdain some people have for most other people, who are not of their tribe.
I’ve begun using “R-Word” where I usually...
Wednesday, January 12, 2022
I’m Done Rolling Over In My GraveWhile the corporate media is determined to paint Stacy Abram’s scheduling issue as a snub of President Biden for his inability to solve every real or imagined grievance in our nation of miserable fucks in the course of a busy year, we here at the Portland Pataphysical...
Tuesday, January 11, 2022
Then We Can Get Back To Tracking Down JFK Jr!I can see how the dead-enders of freedumbocracy would prefer anything to another year of COVID restrictions. Science is such a pain in the ass. Tell me where science is in the Constitution. There’s nothing in the Ten Commandments!
All their friends are...
Friday, January 7, 2022
Demand Equal Time For End Of Days ScenariosEver since the Doomsday Clock hit midnight on Jan 6, 2021, partisan bickering over who is to blame for all this damned disorder has reached a fever pitch with both sides now arguing that death is better than whatever is currently being discussed outside the...
Tuesday, January 4, 2022
Says Epstein Paid Virginia Guiffre Enough To Cover Any Alleged Abuse He Might Have Innocently Been Involved In“We always split the bill,” the royal asshole told the court in a recent filing, “whenever we went to town on some new virgins. In this case, it was clearly Jeffrey’s intention to cover my...
Sunday, January 2, 2022
Life Is Madness Even Where There Is Some Method To ItTell me again how we’re not still living in Old Rummy Reagan's supply-side plantation economy.
I just read that the correct translation of Descartes’s first principle is “I think therefore I am probably making this up.”
Friday, December 31, 2021
MAGA Crowd Roars Displeasure Accusing Sponsors Of Straight GenocideThere were more than a smattering of MAGA hats among the 60,000 protestors who showed up for Thursday’s matchup between Tennessee and Purdue, a thriller won by the Boilermakers in overtime by the score of 48-45.
The raucous crowd...
Sunday, December 26, 2021
My Kingdom For A Good Proofreader!
Saturday, December 25, 2021
Froggy Went A Courtin'Thank God, Whoever, wherever She is.
Wednesday, December 22, 2021
Obviously These Are Breakthrough InfectionsAbsolutely everyone at the Re-Awaken America conference in Dallas on December 10 had previously tested negative for anthrax & they all had to provide proof that they had not received a single dose of the COVID-19 vaccine before being able to purchase tickets,...
Monday, December 20, 2021
It’s Not White Privilege; It’s Honest Remorse!I guess everyone needs to share a good Rittenhouse now and then.
I had no idea that Rittenhousing had so quickly replaced privilege as a white asshole’s best tactic for staying out of jail and living to crime again.
Friday, December 17, 2021
Nobody Rips Me Off & Gets Away With ItAfter days of claiming reports of poor attendance at his Orlando appearance with disgraced Fox News celebrity Bill O’Reilly was “fake news,” former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle abruptly changed tactics & filed a class action suit...
Tuesday, December 14, 2021
But It Really Would Be A Shame Should Something Happen To ThEse TraitorsBeleaguered former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle continued to provoke the nation’s media into excusing his crimes as “unhinged acts of an unhinged Individual 1” by asking his supporters during the...
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
Crumbley Parents Hire The Kraken, Tell Son To Bugger OffJust how Crumbley can these assholes get?
And the walls came crumbleying, crumbleying…
Monday, December 6, 2021
Barron Punks Family With X-Rated X-Mas CardFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & pontificating prick Donald J. Turdwaffle could not be reached for comment this morning amid rumors that his youngest son, Barron von Munchmouser, has defected to antifa & is dating Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez.
The...
Wednesday, December 1, 2021
Claims Executive PrejudiceAs the reality of his continued unencumbered existence begins to weigh on humanity’s hope for a survivable future, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Russian pissaholic Donald J. Turdwaffle interrrupted his regularly scheduled phone rant to his rabidly athletic...
Friday, November 19, 2021
Files To Trademark Slogan “Have AR15s Will Travel”Fresh off his victory over the rule of law in Kenosha, Wisconsin, wannabe NRA spokesteen Kylie Rittenhouse announced he is opening his own security company named Paladin Protective Services, after the 1950s television character made famous by Richard...
Saturday, November 13, 2021
Point Needledick The Bugfucker to Carl’s Sagan’s Testimony in 198519 fucking 85.
And he suggests it may already be too late.
In 1985.
Meanwhile, we continue to squabble about preserving jobs in the very sectors making the planet uninhabitable.
Oh nation of miserable fucks that has so many...
Friday, November 5, 2021
But Arbery Isn’t On Trial, The Honkies AreFormer twice-impeached unindicted conspirator & alleged Individual 1, Donald J. Turdwaffle called into every teabagging nutjob radio show in his MAGAfied United States on Friday to scold black protestors who call the 11 to 1 white to black jury another example...
Thursday, October 28, 2021
But You Can Call Them MetaI had first misheard the announcement on the car radio. There was talk about the metaverse & metaphors & your personal metadata, which Facebook is noted for harvesting. I would have sworn they said “Mazeppa,” which is a much, much better name.
Friday, October 22, 2021
Screams Bloody Murder Out Her WhateverFormer Fox and NBC anti-evolution propagandist Megyn Kelly went on the Internet this week to podcast her displeasure that other people don’t think as perfectly as she does, claiming her private school was teaching third-grade boys that it’s OK to chop their nutsacks...
Wednesday, October 20, 2021
Tentatively Identified As Jimmy HoffaGotcha.
Again.
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
I Worked 4 Years To Buy Those VotesFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle is threatening to file the nation’s first reverse class-action suit on behalf of the office of the president of the United States, which he claims was wrongfully stolen from him.
He is seeking...
Saturday, October 16, 2021
Maybe This Whole Reagan Legacy Ain’t Such A Great IdeaEnd of story.
Friday, October 8, 2021
It’s Our Duty To Protect Executive Privilege, Joe!Hours after President Biden refused America’s favorite former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator’s request to protect records relating to his failed January 6 insurrection, the wannabe führer released his own executive order commanding Biden...
Thursday, October 7, 2021
It Wasn’t Us, Says Rotterdam Express OwnerAs US fossil fuel companies close ranks to protect their lucrative stanglehold on the fate of the planet by finding someone beyond themselves to blame for California’s latest catastrophic oil spill, Hapag-Lloyd is not playing their game.
The company owns...
Monday, October 4, 2021
"They Forced Me Out. I Did Not Leave Of My Own Discord”Twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & all-around Nazi asshole Donald J. Turdwaffle has responded to recent subpoenas and requests for depositions in various legal proceedings against him by doubling-down on his baseless & unproven claims...
Wednesday, September 29, 2021
I Hardly Know The Fellow, In Any Sense Of The WordProclaiming her love for husband Lord Byron Noem, Viscount Of Süd Douché, South Dakota Governor Christi Noem took to Twitter in the early hours to counter rumors that she is engaged in a months-long sexual relationship with disgraced Repugnicunt humanoid,...
Saturday, September 25, 2021
Students Hope To Reinstituting Slavery will Solve America’s Race & Labor Shortage Problems
Students in Riverside, Missouri, won the deplorable approval of former president Turdwaffle yesterday when he told Sean Hannity “our very fine people continue trying to make America great again, can’t you...
Thursday, September 23, 2021
Someone Told Me It’s All Happening At The ZooWelcome to the monkey house, again. Is it time for some ethical birth control by letting these gorilla bros chow down on each other?
Looks like Billy The Nothinghead has infiltrated the Bronx Zoo and even turned two of the zoo’s most notorious primate...
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
She Knows She Went From Rags To BitchingStewing in the juices of her own creation, former failed Fox and NBC newshooker Megyn Kelly is tired of being called an anti-vaxxer by liberal assholes simply because she doesn’t think kids should be vaccinated with an unproven drug to combat a preventable infectious...
Thursday, September 16, 2021
Recommends Issuing Every American A Personal Flotation Device, Body Armor, & an AR15 With 1200 Rounds Of Armor Piercing Ammo“You can never be too prepared to defend yourself against all eventualities,” says anonymous source close to fugitive NRA leaders hiding from process servers.
“We only want...
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
Critical Race Theory Proven Right AgainA rare pig-faced angular roughshark considered to be a complete and total fabrication by white supremacists who consider reality to be rigged by liberals was found floating belly up in a Mediterranean petting zoo this morning.
Long thought to be a figment...
Friday, September 10, 2021
Megyn Kelly, Marjoe Faylure Greene, & Lorena Boebert To StaRWoke Pictures announced plans this morning for an all-female production of The Three Stooges Join The Space Force: Have Rocket, Will Travel, starring Megyn Kelly as Mo, Marjoe Faylure Greene as Loretta, and Lorena Boebert as Crazy Jo-Ann...
Saturday, September 4, 2021
He Likes QAnon Conman Even Less“Why didn’t anyone tell me I was spelling ‘chamois’ wrong?” Shandling asked the court while pleading guilty to felony obstruction of an official proceeding before Congress, “I’m no shamwow guy, man. I’m the real deal.”
The incel icon who stormed the Capitol on Janury...
Saturday, September 4, 2021
Rogaine Is Not Horse DewormerPlease accept our apologies!
Our intern went on break shortly before we had to publish this. Perhaps she’ll explain what she meant if she ever gets off the pot.
Tuesday, August 31, 2021
Holden Helms On Wheels Jr Promises Bloodshed Unless He Gets His WaYRallying a clusterfuck of KuklaM*A*S*H Turdwaffle supporters to an incel froth at the Lickskillet Speedway this weekend, North Carolina’s junior insurrectionist urged the crowd to “cash in those Dixie Cups we’ve all been saving since...
Friday, August 27, 2021
SCOTUS Evicts Millions In Show Of Support For Homeless Rights“The Constitution does not protect goldbrick renters & mortgagees behind on their payments,” writes Amy Corndog Barrett for majority. “You’re guaranteed life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness, not happiness itself. This is a Christian country,...
Monday, August 23, 2021
Well, That’s Another Fine Mess American Family Values Got Us IntoTurns out that I’m still your only trusted news source for the kind of pure pataphysical analysis of the lunacy that passes for governance in our never-changing world where nothing is ever broken so we’ll never have to fix it.
All...
Friday, August 20, 2021
Slams Media For Reporting What He SaidBlaming cancel culture & wokeness for his recent bad press, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick offered that he “may have misspoken myself” when he appeared to blame the recent catastrophic rise in COVID cases, hospitalizations, & death on unvaccinated blacks.
“Fake...
Wednesday, August 18, 2021
“You Better Believe You’ll Get Better,” Donor Tells #FloridaMan Anti-Vaxxers At Y’All Qaeda Prayer BreakfastAs ICUs in their states are overwhelmed by terminal COVID patients & they order portable morgues from the federal government, Texas Governor Greg “Bud” Abbott is getting the same Regenernon treatment...
Friday, August 13, 2021
“People Need To Get Some Common Sense Or Just Die,” Marjoe Tells crowd of uneducated supportersArguing that current rising hospital rates are “fake news spread by Antifa Fauci & his northern coastal elites,” one of America’s greatest sources of greenhouse gases & proud spoiler of all the planet’s precious...
Monday, August 9, 2021
It Seems That Every Day Is Just Another Rotten MessThis was totally predictable 40 years ago, when the Old Rummy brushed the future aside with snarky comments about killer trees, & our liberal media just ate it up. The IPCC Climate Report is going to look so optimistic in 20 years.
Hell, we may...
Thursday, August 5, 2021
Gov DeSantis Tries To Wrest Whine Country Title From Oregon“This is the November election steal all over again,” Florida’s embattled governor told a crew of volunteeers helping remove 600,000 tons of dead fish and marine mammals from the Tampa Bay area, which he blamed on the recent surge in COVID...
Wednesday, August 4, 2021
“He Had It Coming!” 1st Term Colorado Lawbreaker ContendsAnd going, I might add.
Monday, August 2, 2021
Missing Oregon Youth Sought In Capitol Riot
Lost among the mounds of statistics from the January 6th insurrection & its aftermath were several dozen reports of Kyron Horman spotted in full QAnon gear leading rioters through the Capitol rotunda.
More than 120,000 tips to the Capitol Riot hotline...
Thursday, July 29, 2021
I Guess It’s To Mop Up Her Getting Off On QueersSomebody get that bitch some Midol & a super sop-em-up.
Saturday, July 24, 2021
American Family Values Are Pretty Fucked UpI think that would have been a better headline for this CNN piece about how Fox became America’s favorite voice of American Family Values while promoting the most repugnant values since the Nixon era.
A corrollary: You think this is dumb? You ain’t seen...
Friday, July 23, 2021
Why Can’t Every Country Do This?Dubai is currently creating rainstorms to cool down the country which often exceeds 115° F. their methods employs drones, which zap clouds with electrical charges to produce rain. I’ve already heard someone asking, why can’t every country do that? Seriously. People...
Friday, July 23, 2021
Nearly 50 Years Later We Still Suffer The Little Nazis To Cum Unto Jesus
While anyone with a brain consistency more cohesive than a bowl of green smile Jello can recognize how former failed führer Donald J. Turdwaffle was truly the legitimate heir to the legacy of Ronald Reagan’s supply-side plantation...
Monday, July 19, 2021
Perhaps God Was Born In 1984What if the universe is more like nesting Russian dolls, except instead of dolls, it’s an endless nest of three dimensional donuts? Wouldn’t that make this guy God?
Saturday, July 17, 2021
“The America First Show Must Go On!” Lawmakers InsistThe Hot As Hell Grunnion/Gaetz America First Tour hit a snag on its first stop today after a third venue refused to allow The Confederated Nabobs Of Neo-Nazi Regressivism to spread their alt-reich message of alternative piss, clubs, and misunderstanding...
Tuesday, July 13, 2021
Court Sides With Jewish Jester Over Pompous Christian WindbagTurdwaffle-supporter extraordinaire & alleged apprentice pedophile Roy Moore had his $95 million defamation suit against Sacha Baron Cohen tossed out today, after judge John P. Cronan of the US District Court for the Southern District of...
Thursday, July 8, 2021
“Why Isn’t Everyone Against Critical Race Theory?” Racists PoutRepublicans in the House are so concerned that black athletes may continue to claim black lives matter at the Tokyo Olympic games that nearly 40 of the nasty little buggers have banded together and written a strongly worded letter to Olympic...
Tuesday, July 6, 2021
Colin Jost Says “This Is No Joke”News that Scarlet Johansen was pregnant apparently took Colin Jost, Saturday Night Light co-head writer by surprise. So much so that he has demanded that his Weekend Update co-host, Michael Che, take a paternity test.
“I know I haven’t slept with Scarlet in more...
Saturday, July 3, 2021
Nature No-Trumps Humanity Through Turdwaffle BumblingIt sure would be nice to know where COVID came from, so we’d know what to keep an eye on for the next big organic, all-natural & incredibly dangerous thing about to kill us all, but I’m pretty sure none of the muckamucks are focused much beyond assigning...
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
Of My Twitter SuspensioNNothing really new to report. I received another form rejection which did not make any sense, as usual, a couple of weeks ago. That was the one where I offered to present their case in when Nigeria suspended their service for being Twitter. These guys are so dumb their mothers...
Friday, June 25, 2021
Nazis, Nazis Everywhere, Ain’t Enough To Make Us Think?Freedumbocracy’s just another word for American #MinorityRule.
Thursday, June 24, 2021
One Million Mystery Mett Meals Served!The Anthropophagic Society of the Upper Peninsula (TASOTUP) announced it has met its fiscal third quarter guidance for its subsidiary, Dahmer & Donne alternative nutritional fast food restaurants. Critics of the high-concept niche casual dining & take out experience...
Tuesday, June 22, 2021
Son Of A Bitch Stole My Cave!by William Bennett Serf
The Digressional Record
NEWSFLASH! Demoblican and Repugnicunt binary agents have been scrambling dispatches from the caves of Tora Tora Bora Dora. Here is the corrected version of the latest posting from literary terrorists opposed to Fubar's...
Saturday, June 19, 2021
“This Is Q Sending The World A Message!” Shouts Unnamed reliable SourceSuzy Q, spokesperson for the secretive leader of America’s Got The Greatest Conspiracies, greeted news of the passing of the elder presidential pop with a mixture of skepticism & bemusement this morning during a hastily called press...
Saturday, June 19, 2021
The Terror Channel Recount suspended; James Baker says Rule of Law has prevailed By Phineas Thomas Barnum
Negotiations Editor
Pataphysical Malapropism Service
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UNITED NATIONS (PMS) - A U.S.-backed resolution for war in Iraq passed without opposition early...
Wednesday, June 16, 2021
Waiting On The World To Change…After Colin Sigmoidy successfully delayed his execution on grounds that he didn’t have a choice between ways of being put to death, the South Carolina legislature sprang into action & closed that loophole in May by allowing inmates on death row to choose between electrocution...
Tuesday, June 15, 2021
Former Comedian Immodestly Proposes COVID19 Origin StoryEnraged Twits demanded reality #CancelJonStewart late Monday night & early Tuesday morning, long before lunch, after the lapsed Jew man-boy l attempted to demonstrate how dumb #Repugnicunt efforts to convince the average uneducated American that...
Sunday, June 13, 2021
Johnny Deep Abuser Faces BacklashTwitter users called for a boycott of Aquaman 2 after reports that Amber Heard also cut off several inches of one of Johnny Depp’s penises after smashing off twelve of his fingers & multiple hidden appendages with a roque mallet she claimed has been autographed by the...
Friday, June 11, 2021
Former Unindicted Co-Conspirator Blows Off Steam“What’s love got to do with foreign policy?” Donaldo Turdwaffle’s incoming phone mail message began this morning. “I remember the outrage from the liberal media when Mrs. Melanie wore a stylish coat to one of our migrant children welcoming centers on...
Friday, June 11, 2021
Heftier & Stiffer Than EverLess than nine months after getting his schwantz wedgied between Iran & a hard place, CNN mass debation specialist Jeffrey “Rootin” Toobin is back behind his desk at CNN, getting paid to spew whatever the First Amendment industry is willing to pay hi to shill.
Jaunty Jeff...
Friday, June 11, 2021
ALL THE NEWS TO GIVE YOU FITS
By Larry Nada,
Outdoor Writer
Pataphysical Mythic Sacrament
April 20, 2004
Jerusalem (PMS) - Prime Minister Ariel Sharon pledged Tuesday that recently liberalized rules governing bag limits on Palestinians assure that Israeli snipers and helicopter pilots...
Monday, June 7, 2021
Qanon Variant Stupid-Spreading Among Vaccination-ChallengedFilm at eleven.
Saturday, June 5, 2021
Can You Be A Cute Obtuse?So far I’m batting zero for whatever in attempting to have my temporary Twit suspension on March 7, 2021 lifted. It’s time to repeat some new thing over & over, not expecting things to change, but everyone knows the way forward in our nation of miserable fucks is to recognize...
Wednesday, June 2, 2021
What Are The Odds?Beats the hell out of me.
More to the point: Who are the odds & why do I always feel more comfortable with them?
Time is made to be wasted, & I have all the time in the world to waste.
Wednesday, June 2, 2021
Albert Einstein Can Neither Be Created Nor DestoyedNot that he gives a shit.
After my latest appeal of Twitter’s suspension of my account for suggesting Ivanka Trump should name her memoir Once A Feckless Cunt, Always A Feckless Cunt, Twitter’s increasingly athletic supporters fired back a copy...
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
I Should Be Certified. It’s Only Fair!Granted, life is not fair, but Twitter is not nearly as fair as life.
My foreskin reader has assured me that I will be reinstated by August, unless an asteroid or supply-side space debris gets me first.
I already have hundreds of hateful tweets ready to...
Monday, May 31, 2021
“He Has My Complete & Total Endorsement!”Twice-impeached former president Donald Jackass Turdwaffle took time off from his busy schedule of blogging, grifting & cheating at golf to weigh in on the fortunes of Israel’s embattled prime minister this morning. Turdwaffle praised his old ally in the supply-side...
Wednesday, May 26, 2021
Why Don’t It Hurt When I Pee?I’m not sure how the Twitter court system is structured or what qualifies the judges who get paid the big bucks to weigh these difficult 1st Amendment questions against the supply side plantation economic model this nation of miserable fucks has been stuck in an endless...
Monday, May 24, 2021
By Rupert “Jello” Pumpkin
Media Watch Expert
Pataphysical Military Sentinel
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WASHINGTON (PMS) — President Fubar W. Ubu is attempting to recapture the popularity he once enjoyed when he was viewed by the world as Goober Bush, the clumsy but charming...
Sunday, May 23, 2021
Hey Jack! I’m Still Waiting For A Fucking Response!I’m beginning to suspect Twitter is convinced their supply side plantation business model will last forever, like Internet Explorer. I have yet to received acknowledgment of my petition of prayer to the Lord of the Internet to reinstate my erroneously...
Wednesday, May 12, 2021
A Case Of Unrealistic Expectations Of ConformityThose who know me know what it’s like to be dead, know what it means to be sad, & sometimes they wish they had never been born. I admit I’m part of the reason they know & feel these things, but I’m just doing God’s work. You can’t really fault a guy for...
Friday, May 7, 2021
Where's That In The Constitution?
Americans are so enamored of clichés, TLAs, & supply-side jargon, it’s no wonder we’ve become a nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™), too dumb to understand how dumb we are & proud of it, by cracker!
Individually, we’re swell. We even have saints & geniuses among...
Thursday, May 6, 2021
As An Aborted FetusOriginally published by drfaustroll under Pataphysics, Poopadoodle October 30, 2008
At least that’s what I keep hearing from those with paid access to first amendment guarantees. I don’t happen to accept the premise that UDT (undifferentiated tissue) should be afforded the same...
Sunday, May 2, 2021
Wilford OwenInquisitive CorpsePataphysical Metanews ServiceThe Portland Pataphysical Outpatient ClinicOctober 24, 2001 08:56:51PMBAGHDAD (PMS) – Amid reports that thousands of Afghan refugees have become ill after eating Happy Meals Ready To Eat, unnamed Bush administration officials told reporters...
Thursday, April 15, 2021
Willie Roman Nohman
Economics Poet
Pataphysical Metempsychotic Service
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SIMIAN VALLEY, CA (PMS) – Jubilant Californians massed in the streets of this Caucasian neighborhood to celebrate the dismantling of the automatronic stand-in to former President...
Wednesday, April 14, 2021
Originally published by drfaustroll under Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Phlakes, Phyddling About February 6, 2009
Authorities stormed the Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center this morning, firing beanbag rounds and rubber bullets as they fought against the hospital staff to execute a Justice...
Sunday, April 11, 2021
It’s time for the slovenly media to move beyond its obsession with rendering the English language meaningless by making everything into one gate or another, especially when Gaetz is available to rent his name out for the downtrodden & marginalized pedophiles of the #Repugnicunt party.
#InsurrectionGaetz...
Saturday, April 10, 2021
We May Have Even Been winkers Ourselvesat some point. That’s how life goes, until it all stops.We have less time, every day.As a result, we work smarter, not harder, to waste the most of whatever time we have left.
We don’t agree?
That doesn't change anything.
Saturday, April 10, 2021
Originally published by drfaustroll under Blather, Pataphysics, Sedition February 13, 2009
Few today remember the popularity enjoyed by the former First Idiot’s drunken twin daughters, Regan and Cordelia, alter-egos of sororiternal twins Barbara and Jenna, even as they careened around America in...
Wednesday, April 7, 2021
Critics Pan The Madness of Bush Boy George
Vincent Joad Foster
Park Bench Observer
Pataphysical Emergency Management Agency
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WASHINGTON (PEMA) — Hoping to avoid questions about the incredibly dumb decision to invade Iraq on bad intelligence and declare victory...
Friday, April 2, 2021
Uranus Or Mine?Uranus was right there in my Google news feed.
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Victims Blamed For Rise of Gun DeathsSpeaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak on the record, fugitive NRA leader Wayne Gacy LaPierre today blamed the uptick in gun-related gut piles to "a widely-acknowledged shortage of good guns with guns caused by 50 years of liberal...
Thursday, March 25, 2021
The Repugnicunt Distraction Reality FieldMost sentient humans have understood since the mid-70s that the fossil fuel industry was going to kill us all, one way or the other; either by making the air unfit to breathe, so long as we accepted a commuter economy dependent on fast food & ephemeral services,...
Tuesday, March 23, 2021
Anyone Can Grow Up To Be A Mass ShooterCan we finally get real about what America stands for? The rich have locked up the “anyone can grow up to be President,” so what’s left for the rest of us is a shot at 15 minutes of infamy.
Go for it, assholes.
Let me shoot your arguments full of holes.
Fuck...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Making A Mirrorball Great AgainWith apologies to Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan, let me sing: “For we were so much smarter then, we’re dumber than that now.” On October 23, 2008, long before anyone realized how many of their neighbors believed that America was not quite as great as reality showed (not reality...
Friday, November 13, 2020
26 years for one companyImagine that.
He got screwed out of his pension because the company went bankrupt after having invested its share of negotiated contractual obligations into capital improvements which it used as collateral for loans to pay bonuses to its executive management. This was in...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Not Zune enough if you axe mePublished by drfaustroll under Blather, Pataphysics, PhlakesDecember 31, 2008
You have to admire Microsoft for its persistence in avoiding actually fixing anything in its terrible products as it marches ever onward, pushing a cartoon balloon of obfuscating speech in...
Friday, November 13, 2020
You know what really pisses me off?Published by drfaustroll under Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Phynality, PoopadoodleDecember 29, 2008
Nothing.
The absence of anything. That’s what pisses me off.
And you know what? My entire life has been spent observing the absence of anything. So many...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Have an imaginary Christmas shopping seasonPublished by drfaustroll under Invective, Pataphysics, Phlakes, SeditionDecember 1, 2008
I bought another GPS on Gray Saturday to double check the accuracy of my other GPSes that have yet to tell me exactly where I am, where I’ve come from, or where I am...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Stay for the invectiveTo go along with George Carlin’s routine on the seven forbidden words I frequently employ to offend polite company, I also like to invoke the spirit of Lenny Bruce’s Lone Ranger routine and his brilliant defense of insensitivity as a way to defuse the evil in the hearts of men...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Ah, poor Goober, the Bush babyPublished by drfaustroll under Invective, Pataphysics, Phlakes, Poopadoodle, SeditionDecember 30, 2008
At first I thought the headlines I was seeing about how the First Idiot never recovered from Katrina indicated that he actually had the intelligence to realize what...
Friday, November 13, 2020
Didn’t he ever hear of the second amendment?Published by drfaustroll at 4:54 pm under Insignificant dingalings, Invective, Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Phleghmish Masters, Poopadoodle, Second Amendment Roll of Humour, Sedition, Sit down tragedy workMay 18, 2009
Despite my best efforts to educate...
Friday, November 13, 2020
There was this thing called Today.com…and between late summer 2008 and late May 2009, I produced a blog for them called Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs, which I later moved to Mac.com, until Apple shut down blog hosting and switched to cloud storage.
Today was an annoying click-troll site that...
Thursday, March 9, 2017
I misread a story by Sarah Kaplan todayIt was a story about Neanderthals. It originally appeared in The Washington Post, but I saw it in The Oregonadian/OregonadiaLive, an Advance Publication for mass click debaters. The story nestled among other unrelated journalistic gems from stiff and wired reports...
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
From the archives of Uncommon SenseHere are a couple of obnoxious observations about the state of the art stupidity that underpins the immorality at the heart of our nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™). The selections are random, like life itself. They will neither help you get to heaven or make your...
